If you are considering surrogacy, you may be doing research to better understand what the surrogacy process is, how much a surrogate is paid, what the surrogate requirements are, and more. But what you might not see through Googling and reading surrogacy agency websites is what it’s really like to be a surrogate.
Circle Surrogacy spoke to experienced surrogates to ask them for their surrogacy stories. What exactly is being a surrogate? What surprised you the most? What do you wish you knew before becoming a surrogate? They reveal the secrets they learned after helping others grow their families as surrogates.
What It Really Takes to Be a Substitute
1. Surrogacy is an enjoyable experience for the surrogates and for the people you are carrying a baby to.
It’s pretty obvious that surrogacy is a rewarding experience for the intended parents—they can finally have the baby of their dreams! But what potential surrogates may not know is that going through a surrogacy journey is also very rewarding for the surrogate. Think about the best gift you bought someone for a holiday or on their birthday and how excited you were to give it to them. Surrogacy is like that but times a million! The surrogates give the ultimate gift—a baby! So while a surrogacy journey is financially rewarding for a surrogate, it has a greater emotional impact on their life. Alternatives change people’s lives.
2. You don’t want to keep the baby.
Three-time surrogate Megan describes it: “Whenever I talk about ‘giving the baby,’ I always compare it to my time as a teacher. During the school year, the children in my class my kids, but at the end of the year, I’m ready to see them move on. That’s what surrogacy is—while I’m carrying that baby, I take care of him as if he’s my own, but when the delivery is here, I’m ready for the parents to step in and take over!”
In this video, Surrogate Mandi shares why she knows she won’t bond with the baby she’s carrying for her Intended Mother Nicola:
3. How big and supportive the surrogacy world and community is.
When you start researching surrogacy, you will find many social groups and communities that you can connect with and who are happy to answer questions and share their surrogate experiences. Some agencies—ssuch as Circle Surrogacy—also provide private communities for their followers to chat and connect, which is a great resource.
It’s very important to talk to experienced surrogates to hear their perspectives when you’re just starting out. Surrogates are usually willing to share their stories and answer any questions you may have.
In this video, Alana shares all the different types of support offered to Circle surrogates:
4. The lifelong connection that can happen with your intended parents.
Surrogacy is an emotional journey—and one that may last several years—and during that time you share some of the most intimate moments with your intended parents.
Cassie shared, “I’m very close not only to my parents, but I visit with my surrobabies’ grandparents, aunts and uncles even when the surrobabies aren’t there! I talked to their aunt through childbirth when she gave birth 12 weeks after I gave birth.”
Surrogates and their families can travel to visit their parents and their intended parents after the birth—even if they live in another country!
Brittany said, “Having international intended parents, we (my family) were able to travel the world to see where they came from. Surrogacy has been an incredible experience for me and my husband and our two sons! My parents are forever family.”
How do you find the perfect match? Be open and honest about what you are looking for in your journey. Brittany says, “Some of the best advice I can give to women considering surrogacy is to be specific about what you’re looking for in a match! Your match will help shape your entire journey!” Things to think about are how much communication you want and how you envision your relationship; this will help determine the best intended parents for you. Be specific! Don’t just say what you think the intended parents want to hear!
5. You will need time to heal physically and emotionally.
You feel like you’ve done something amazing, but you need to be kind to yourself, let your body heal and find your place again. Being a surrogate is an emotional journey, especially when you come to the end and deliver your surrobaby. You will be on a high from seeing your intended parents meet their baby and know what an amazing thing you have done for them.
Ashley shared, “The most surprising thing to me came next on my journey, and that was finding my “new normal,” my identity. For over two years my life revolved around surrogacy, like my life wasn’t mine. When the trip was over, I remember feeling lost and unsure. I had just finished this huge life-changing thing that felt so good, but what was next for me. It took some time to sort through that for sure.”
And the hormones! “I’m crying but I don’t know why I’m crying because I’m so happy,” said Michelle. “I felt like a hero and at the same time, I cried. Everyone asks you a million times if you are ok. Don’t ask, I’m crying!”
6. How easily your children will understand what you are doing.
Kids are amazing, and sometimes we don’t give them enough credit! How you share your surrogacy with your kiddos is up to you (you know your kids best!) and should be done in an age-appropriate way. A younger child may understand that you are helping someone else and that the baby will not live with you, while an older child may understand what surrogacy is. No matter how old your children are, you can introduce them to your intended parents so they can begin to understand who you are helping. Here in blog postsurrogates shared how they talked to their children about surrogacy.
Circle Surrogate Amy shares in this video how she and her husband told their children about surrogacy:
The insight you get from experienced surrogates, in addition to your research, will help you make the best decision for you. Being a surrogate is an amazing and rewarding experience, and many women say they feel like superheroes because they gave their intended parents the greatest gift possible.
You can learn more about means being a surrogate and the surrogacy process to see if this is the right path for you. If you have reviewed our alternate requirements and ready to apply, you can fill out our alternate application to connect with our surrogate team who can answer all your questions!
