It’s hard to think of more hated advice than ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’, but it touches on something many of us in the first few months of parenthood wonder: how do you survive without sleep?
Of course, you can’t really survive without sleep, but the few hours a night you manage to muster aren’t enough for most people to feel like they’re not actively in the process of dying.
While there’s no magic pill to fix your sleep problems, there are some things you can do to help take the edge off as you get through this incredibly challenging time in your life. Just a note, most of these deal with two-parent families but can be modified if you have friends or family members you can count on for some overnight help.
Here are 16 ways to cope when you’re getting poor sleep:
1. Sleep alternately
When we asked our FB followers how they were able to deal with severe sleep deprivation in the beginning, this is the most recommended. Usually, one person takes a string of night hours, and the other person gets a string of morning hours, meaning that each partner gets several consecutive hours of sleep, which is really important
2. Cut the corners
Take the easy way out wherever you can. Invest in a robot vacuum. Use those bleach tabs in the bathrooms so you don’t have to scrub them for weeks. Put your bills on autopay. Eat out more than usual. Get your groceries delivered, even if it means your bananas are a little sad and the salad will expire tomorrow. Have a realistic mindset about what needs 100% effort and what can be skated by with a little less attention and still be okay in the end.
3. Don’t start a giant project
This is not the time to repaint your cabinets or turn the closet under the stairs into a magical play space for your baby. When you don’t get enough sleep, any free time you have is time to rest. Even if that break looks like sitting on the couch and binging Bluey next to your baby, it’s better than nothing.
4. Slowly
Putting together even a few nights of poor sleep is enough to slow down your brain and cause you to make mistakes. They can be silly, like leaving your keys in the fridge, or horrible, like leaving your child in the car (a big way to avoid this is to recognize that it can happen to anyone and beware). Deliberately slowing down a little and really thinking about every action you take when you’re sleep-deprived can help minimize these mistakes – big and small.
5. Ask for and/or receive help
For many people, this may be the hardest part of it. Asking for help is annoying, but sleep deprivation and the few adverse effects it can have on you (such as PPA, PPD, difficult or risky decision making, nausea, high blood pressure and more) is worse. Friends, neighbors, family members, hired help – anyone you feel comfortable lending a hand, ask questions and/or say yes when they offer.
6. Keep your tank full
Staying hydrated by drinking plenty of water will help you with everything, and snacking on foods high in fiber and protein will help you set yourself up for better sleep when you finally wake up. you’re about to dive into the good stuff (here’s an interesting read about why). Oh, and go easy on the caffeine. You don’t have to quit cold turkey or anything, but be aware that it can disrupt your sleep cycle if you have a lot of it, or too late in the day.
7. Remove load
Sit or lie down as much as possible. Try to take some level of effort out of whatever task you have to do, whether that means sitting down to fold laundry or lying down to feed the baby. Have a toddler? Here are some games you can play without moving a muscle.
8. Set a sleep quota and stick to it
This one is from a doula at Reddit. Their recommendation is to set a sleep quota (say 8 hours) and not get up for the day until you get it together – even if that means you’re in bed until noon the next day. (Actually, this only works if it’s your first child and you don’t have other obligations.) This may help people who feel pressured to get up and start the day even though the things they feel compelled to do, like loading the dishwasher or doing laundry, can wait.
9. Get creative with overnight feeds
This may mean using a bottle with either expressed milk or formula so your partner can do an overnight feed or two. Or maybe it means sleeping in a separate space and having your partner take care of all pre- and post-feeding needs, so you can go right back to sleep as soon as you’re done feeding. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different options until you find one that works. Considering co-sleeping? Here’s a guide on how to do it as safely as possible.
10. They lie down when they go to sleep
Yes, even though it’s 7:30. The key right now is banking bedtimes, whenever. Remember that this is just a phase, so if in the next few months you hit the hay before it’s completely dark, just know that you’ll get back to a more normal bedtime eventually, and sleep – no matter what time of day or night – is key.
11. Know when you get your best sleep and call dibs
Maybe you naturally sleep soundly from 5-7 am, or maybe your best sleep is at night. Whatever it is, make sure your partner takes that shift so you can hopefully score those prime hours.
12. Protect any sleep you can get
This could mean separate rooms from your partner, keeping a loving pet out of the room for now, or being serious about a toddler who prefers to sleep with his toes in your armpit. , but don’t let anything other than the baby wake you up.
13. Chew gum
Is there science behind it? Who knows but it came recommended by a nurse and it’s so easy to try, so why not?
14. Get out
Maybe it’s a little Old Wive’s Tale and a little science, but it’s also easy enough to try. Daylight is important for setting your circadian rhythm, so it makes sense to go outside and tell your body, “Hey! It’s daylight. Let’s do it!” maybe it will help a little.
15. Practice acceptance
Channel your inner Mandalorian and repeat after me: this is the way. You are not doing anything wrong. Your baby is doing nothing wrong. It takes time to learn how to sleep and eventually you will get there. Reading every book about baby sleep won’t help. Watching endless Reels of the baby sleeping won’t help. In the beginning, you just have to get through it. This is the way.
16. Let go of any guilt you may feel about making difficult decisions
There are about 9 million different things that can make you feel guilty when you put your foot down and prioritize sleep, but do your best to ignore them. The most important thing right now is to let your body heal so you can get back to you, and continue to support your baby. Sleep is an absolute necessity, so prioritizing it is extremely important – no matter how sad your baby or cat or partner is about changing the routine.
Whatever happens, this difficult sleep situation will also pass.
Hearing these words when you’re in the thick of them can be a little annoying – or at least that’s how I felt when I was in the weeds with my kids, but it’s true. Eventually, you will go back to sleep. Until then, be easy on yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through this long day.
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Our next reco: When Your Baby Doesn’t Want to Sleep
