About three months into a new relationship, on Valentine’s Day, Leighton couldn’t sleep because of a bad cold. Around 2 in the morning he took whatever cold medicine he could find because he was desperate to sleep. Around 5 am, he woke up again and threw up. He assumed it was from taking a lot of meds that were partially expired, so he decided to just sleep until work at noon and be sure he’d be fine. When she didn’t feel better at work, she grabbed an old pregnancy test from the car just to be sure, and was stunned to see a glowing positive 3 minutes later.
Although pregnancy is almost a health emergency, it didn’t start out that way. At 7 weeks, Leighton woke up around 4 am covered in blood. The ER called it a threatened miscarriage, gave a 50/50 chance for continuing a healthy pregnancy, ordered pelvic rest, and told her to call the OB immediately to be seen. The OB said they didn’t have to see her again for 5 weeks, and when she finally did, they said it was a subchorionic hematoma that was insignificant and didn’t require pelvic rest. While SCH recovered well, the relationship never recovered sexually. Leighton blamed herself and her body.
Leighton’s partner at the time was in a police academy, and was only given one day off for the baby’s birth. Her family lives two states away as well, so her OB agreed to an elective induction after her due date to allow for as much support as possible. Leighton wanted her partner, mother, and grandmother to be with her during the birth. He constantly argued that it was unfair to include his mother as well. This is the beginning of being unsure of what decisions Leighton is allowed to make for himself.
At 39 weeks, Leighton’s regular OB was unexpectedly out of town, so she saw a midwife instead. The midwife waved off Leighton’s request to get tested, but she did it anyway and said she was only up to her finger if she was generous. He continued to interview Leighton about the potential consequences of an elective induction and epidural. Again, Leighton felt insecure in her ability to make decisions, so it made her feel like she was being selfish instead of being a good mother.
On October 24, Leighton had contractions for 3 hours with her mother. When he left the hospital with his partner, they slowed down and stopped altogether. The next day was her last prenatal appointment, and the OB scheduled her for induction that night at 8pm.
They arrived at the hospital at 8pm, and Leighton was given Cytotec around 9pm. Her mother-in-law showed up immediately, but promised to leave when the time came. They started the Pitocin at about 10:30pm, and soon after the contractions got really intense. She had an epidural around 12am and slept until 7am when she woke up with pressure. The midwife who called was the same midwife from the 39-week appointment, and Leighton knew the shift change was at 7am so she deliberately kept quiet until the new midwife came in. They weren’t checking because Leighton’s water broke last night. , but the pressure feeling is building. Around 9am, the new midwife came in to check and said she found the baby’s head, so she started pushing. After 15 minutes of pushing, Selah was born. Leighton immediately thought she was beautiful, but she didn’t look right either. Leighton and her partner raised concerns over her lack of movement or crying and the royal blue color of her skin which increased eight times before it was taken seriously. The NICU team rushed in, as did his mother-in-law while Leighton was in stirrups waiting for the placenta and stitches. The father and mother-in-law went with the baby to the NICU.
The placenta and stitches took about 45 minutes, and during that time the nurses asked Leighton to get up and use the bathroom because they “needed the bed.” He insisted that he wasn’t ready and was still a bit numb, but they grabbed his arms and pulled him up anyway. In the bathroom, he passed out. He woke up 2 hours later feeling angry, but not sure who to direct it at. After 5 hours, the mother-in-law was finally told to leave the NICU so Leighton could see her baby. Upon arrival, he was told that Selah had a lot of fluid in one lung and needed help breathing.
For four days, she went from most feedings to nursing. On the second day, the aisles were closed so they were about 5 minutes late to eat. The nurse had already fed Selah formula, and she scolded them for being late and asked not to touch the baby. In the next feed, Leighton is nursing and the nurse slaps Selah’s hand from her cheek. After this, Leighton cries to the charge nurse about getting a new nurse for the baby. The same midwife who wasn’t very nice was back, and when she came to check on Leighton she was disheartened and told him about the nurse as well. The next morning, the midwife insisted that they could stay until 8pm the next night and she would make sure the NICU issues were taken care of. Not even 30 minutes later, Leighton was given discharge papers and told they had to be out in 30 minutes and the midwife had no authority to give us that information.
Once they were all home, Leighton felt the effects of sitting up straight in a NICU hospital chair for so long. He went back to the doctor for pain, and said there was an issue with how things healed but it shouldn’t hurt. It was hard to wean Selah off formula, but she did it for 6 weeks. At the 6-week appointment, she was diagnosed with a labial fusion that needed to be excised with a scalpel in the office.
Dad was sound asleep while feeding the baby, so Leighton did it alone. He soon found out that she also fell asleep while “watching” him to get Leighton to sleep, so he stopped doing that too. She refused to keep the baby so she could attend her college classes. Leighton sleep trained Selah at 4 months, and luckily, it stuck well. Unfortunately, at this point the abuse abounded. Past sexual issues led to rape incidents, he pointed weapons at Leighton and the baby, and refused to participate as a parent. They separated when Selah was 9 months old, and custody battles ensued.
Two years later, the same OB office failed to report Leighton’s chlamydia test results to her for more than a year.
At Selah’s 3-year wellcheck, they found a heart murmur. It was eventually diagnosed as an atrial septal defect that he had just been born with. Leighton took her out of state for treatment, which was an important decision for Selah’s well-being. Connect with Leighton at @leighte01 on Instagram.
Resources
Ergobaby
This episode is sponsored by Ergobaby. Founded in 2003, Ergobaby pioneered the gold standard for comfortable, ergonomic soft structured carriers. Their commitment to giving parents a foundation to thrive has launched the company into creating a wide range of award-winning products that fit into families’ daily lives seamlessly, comfortably, and safely – where function and quality are not compromised. In 2020, they launched Everlove by Ergobaby, a first-of-its-kind baby carrier buy back and resale program, a sustainability effort to support families and the planet. Check out Ergobaby’s Embrace Soft Air Mesh and new Evolve a 3-in-1 Bouncer which we talked about on the podcast!
