We really don’t believe in hard and fast dating rules at Bedsider. First of all, different things work for different people. Second, it’s better to be yourself in the beginning. If you follow rules that make you act differently than you otherwise would, you may not realize until you’re in a relationship that you’re not compatible. Despite all that, we think these 7 things should give you pause at least if they happen on a first date.
1. Aren’t you asking questions
This is a red flag in any relationship, but especially on a first date, where it should be about asking questions to get to know each other. If all they do is talk about themselves, they show you that they probably aren’t the best at thinking or focusing on other people and their needs.
2. They talk about your future together
At best, it’s really presumptuous, even if a date would be great, to start talking about any kind of future beyond asking you if you want to go on a second date. At worst, it’s downright scary!
3. They talk about their ex too much
This is one of those timeless classics that has been a red flag since the invention of the color red. If they can’t stop talking about their ex—in a negative OR positive way—they may not be over their breakup and ready to start dating again. It’s okay to ask directly in this situation. You can say something like “Do you feel like you’ve moved on from that relationship and are ready to start dating again?”
4. They are rude to the server or bartender
This is just an all around red flag for people. Please, can we just be kind to the people who work hard all day so that we can have good things and experiences? Getting too upset about a small mistake, talking to people, or refusing a tip are all very problematic. These behaviors show that this person feels a level of entitlement and superiority that is not good for any partnership.
5. They look at their phone the whole time
If they can’t give you their undivided attention on the first date, what do you think an average Wednesday night will look like in the 5th year of your relationship?
6. They question your life experiences
Anyone who seems suspicious when you talk about things that happened to you—especially if you’re sharing your experience of being marginalized or any experience of trauma, but really everyone—will get an automatic no from us.
7. They talk about crypto
We’ll just leave it at that.
