Updated April 2023
Becoming parents through surrogacy involves many obstacles for gay men, including social and biological obstacles. Raising a family for a gay individual or gay couple involves overcoming some significant emotional and financial obstacles. Although the cost of having a child with a third party can be daunting for any couple or individual, gay men tend to face higher costs than others.
We are proud of our track record at Circle Surrogacy and Egg Donation as the most successful agency for LGBTQ+ couples and individuals raising their families. The only option for gay intended parents to form a biological family is gestational surrogacy, which involves the help of an egg donor and gestational carrier. It is a process that requires medical and legal expertise, as well as a strong support system throughout the journey.
What is the Cost of Surrogacy Involved?
How much is surrogacy, really? Each step of the journey to parenthood involves multiple professionals whose required expertise raises the cost of surrogacy to more than $150,000 in most cases (up to $200,000 with egg donation). A survey conducted by the non-profit organization Men Having Babies found that gay parents spend an average of nearly $130,000 to become parents through surrogacy. Many of the gay intended parents, the organization said, underestimated the necessary expenses by about $20,000.
Apart from the professional fees involved, there are 3 other categories of costs incurred during the surrogacy journey:
- Gestational Carrier (ie, surrogate) and Egg Donor Fees
- Medical Expenses and Insurance
- IVF Costs
Financial needs, along with social barriers, represent major obstacles for gay men who want to become parents. The good news is that gay intended parents can offset these costs or make them more manageable through special financing products, such as a recently developed Circle Surrogacy and Egg Donation.
Making Surrogacy More Affordable for Gay Intended Parents
1. Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP)
This program was created by Men Having Babies helps gay intended parents gain access to free or discounted services during their surrogacy journeys. This includes participating surrogacy agencies as well as IVF, egg donation, and legal services. GPAP is a two-tiered program designed to offer some level of assistance to all qualified applicants in addition to providing greater assistance to a select group determined by the program’s grant committee.
2. Personal Loan or 401K for Surrogacy
Three additional options for funding your surrogacy journey are:
- Personal debts
- Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC)
- 401K
You may be able to avail personal loans through a bank or credit card. These loans are repaid over time to the lender.
Home Equity loans (HELOC) are when you borrow funds against the equity of your home.
Some intended parents choose to borrow against their 401K plan. If you choose this option, it’s important to speak with a financial advisor to understand any risks or penalties for doing so.
3. Crowdfunding Your Journey
Many intended parents look to family and friends to help cover the costs. This can be done privately or by sharing their stories on crowdsourcing platforms to help raise money for their travels. GoFundMe is the most popular crowdsourcing option for personal fundraisers. This is a great choice because GoFundMe doesn’t charge a “platform fee”—the percentage the crowdfunding site takes of all the money you raise through your fundraiser.
If you choose to use a crowdfunding platform, check for sign-up or subscription fees or fees charged by third-party payment processors. GoFundMe, for example, charges 2.9% and 30 cents per donation for processing fees. Other platforms may charge anywhere from 6% to 10%. It’s also important to avoid crowdfunding sites that have an all-or-nothing model, meaning you only receive the money you raise if you meet or exceed your goal.
The best advice we have is to do your homework before choosing a platform and launching your fundraising appeal.
4. LGBTQ+ Family Building Grants
There are many donation opportunities from various organizations that can help defer or offset the costs of surrogacy and egg donation. Family Equality, whose mission is to “advance legal and living equality for LGBTQ families, and for those who want to form them,” features a list of LGBTQ+-friendly grant programs on its website.
We were founded by a gay man seeking to have his own family, and the strategic programs and partnerships we have are designed to make gay surrogacy possible. We’ve helped gay individuals and couples become parents for over 27 years, and nearly half of the parents through our program are part of the LGBTQ+ community. We have strong ties within the LGBTQ+ community and work with many groups dedicated solely to building families for gay men, including Men Having Babies, Gays with Kids, Gay Parents to Be, and more.
Frequently Asked Questions About Funding and Grants
Q: A funding program just means we have to give the money back. Are there any options where money is provided or the service is at a discounted rate?
A: Yes! The GPAP program provides legal and escrow services at a discounted rate as well as other services. There are also pro bono trips made through this program as well. Men Having Babies is one of many organizations that have programs that help defray the cost through grants or sponsorships. You may have to do a little research to find them, but they do exist!
Q: Are there any assistance programs available for LGBTQ+ people who are HIV+?
A: Yes! Thanks to the Special Program of Assisted Reproduction (SPAR), HIV+ intended parents are able to raise their families with surrogacy. Through the sperm washing technique and HIV testing, it is possible for HIV+ men to safely father their own child without risk to the baby or surrogate. For more information about surrogacy for HIV+ intended parents, check out our HIV+ Parenting page. There are programs that can also help with the cost of this that can be found through medical professionals who work closely with the HIV+ community. Privacy concerns can make it difficult to find these community-specific resources, and it may help to contact your fertility clinic or doctor directly.
Q: Are there programs that help with the cost of egg donation?
A: The Circle is not affiliated with any groups that provide grants or sponsorships exclusively for egg donation, but there may be options available. Many LGBTQ+ people opt to use an egg donor knowing that it will reduce the overall cost, but there are still costs associated with medications and retrieval that the intended parents are responsible for paying. Sometimes clinics will also offer packages, so reaching out to an IVF clinic is another good place to start.
For more information about our personalized family planning services and resources at Circle Surrogacy and Egg Donation, contact us today. If you’re ready to move forward with a free consultation to become a parent through surrogacy, you can fill out our intended parent form and start the conversation today!
