There is a common myth that sleep training can interfere with a baby’s secure attachment to their parents, but the truth is a little different.
Let’s start by clarifying what secure attachment means. Secure attachment is a bond between a child and their caregiver based on trust, safety, and comfort. It develops over time and is critical for a child’s emotional and social development.
Parents create secure attachments with their infant by meeting their needs. Every time a baby is hungry and a parent feeds them, the attachment is strengthened and maintained. Whenever a baby cries out of boredom or sadness and a parent responds with attention and care, the attachment is re-strengthened and maintained. Attachment is created, strengthened and maintained through hundreds of small nurturing moments throughout the day and night, day and night of a child’s life.
There is a widespread myth that sleep training can damage this bond. Some parents worry that by not immediately responding to their baby’s cries during sleep training, they will destroy the secure attachment they have worked so hard to build. This idea is promoted by dozens, if not hundreds, of pro-natural parenting advocates through parenting communities and social media.
A 2012 study published in Pediatrics found no negative effects on infants’ sleep training (Five-Year Follow-up of the Harms and Benefits of Infant Sleep Behavior: Randomized Trial).
So, why is this the case? One reason is that when parents prioritize their own sleep and well-being, they are better prepared to respond to their baby’s waking needs. When parents are relaxed and emotionally balanced, they are more in tune with their baby’s cues and can provide the care and attention their baby needs to feel safe.
Another reason is that sleep training can help babies learn to soothe themselves to sleep. When babies learn to fall asleep independently and soothe themselves back to sleep, they are better equipped to handle stress and anxiety in the future. This is an important and foundational step in developing the skills of emotional self-regulation.
Of course, it’s important to remember that there are many different approaches to sleep training, and what works for one family may not work for another. It’s important to choose an approach that aligns with your values and goals, and work with a qualified sleep consultant if you need support.
The myth that sleep training can harm a baby’s secure attachment to their parents is just that – a myth. In fact, sleep training can be a useful tool for promoting healthy sleep habits and ultimately strengthening the bond between parent and child. So, if you consider sleep training, you can be sure that you are not destroying your attachment to your baby – you are helping to nurture it.
