If you’re worried about bonding with your baby while they’re in the NICU, you’re not alone. Many NICU mothers share this concern. A maternal mental health therapist and NICU mom discuss this topic below.
Having a baby in the NICU can be a scary, stressful experience. This is not the picture most of us have in mind during the first days, weeks, or even months of motherhood (I know, I’ve been there!).
Therefore, it makes sense that you are concerned about forming a bond with your baby in the NICU.
however, bonding is not on hold in the NICU. It is a lifelong process; there are ways to bond with your baby in the NICU and build your attachment from day one.
The challenges of bonding with your baby in the NICU
Seeing your baby hooked to monitors, wires, and tubes and being separated from them by an isolette and visiting hours is probably NOT what you had in mind for the first chapter of your baby’s life. Consequently, you might feel disconnected from them and thinking about how you can best connect and bond with your baby in the NICU.
Attachment and bonding are not one-time or time-limited events; you you don’t have to wait until you get home to build your bond and attachment with your baby. Actually, attachment and bonding are done every day. This is true of all babies in and out of the NICU.
Bonding is a process that starts now and continues throughout your child’s life. While the reality of a NICU stay may not match your expectations or hopes for your baby’s first chapter, it doesn’t stop the powerful bonding process with your baby.
Five tips to bond with your baby in the NICU
- Sing, talk, and read to your baby
- Touch and skin-to-skin
- Acts of care
- Take pictures
- Talk about your baby
1. Singing, Talking, and Reading to Your Baby
You can sing, talk, or read to your baby together. Babies’ hearing develops during the weeks of pregnancy. They can do it choose their mother’s voice and prefer it above all others. Speaking softly and slowly is best to calm them down and connect them.
Come and make eye contact while your baby is awake or feeding, just smile and talk to them, letting your voice soothe them.
2. Hold
Skin-to-skin contact is crucial for your bond and your baby’s development. If your baby is ready, use “containing touch.” The handling is gentle but firmlike a hug with your hands, creating a secure and calming feeling with warmth and restraint that babies crave.
3. Caring
Love and bonding come through action; it’s about caring. Talk to your baby’s care team about participating in nursing tasks such as taking temperatures, changing diapers, diapers, bathing, and feeding.
It may not be very safe at first, but eventually you will feel more comfortable actively participating in your baby’s care. Caring for your baby will build your relationship, despite these tasks and interactions that look different in the NICU than at home.
4. Taking Pictures
Taking pictures of your baby’s time in the NICU can be help you stay in the moment and connect with your baby. Additionally, it can be a way to look forward to a future where you are with your growing baby.
A NICU stay feels endless while you’re there, but someday it will be a memoryand you may want to have pictures to share with your child about their first chapter of life.
Babies are constantly growing and changing. Pictures can help capture the growth and change and help maintain memories. Take pictures of all the different faces your baby makes and detailed close-ups of their tiny toes, fingers, nose, and lips to help you capture the moment and get to know them better.
Being separated from them is one of the hardest things about having a baby in the NICU. Pictures of your little one that you can look at when you’re apart build your bond and encourage attachment even at a distance.
5. Talking About Your Baby
Show off your baby to friends and family with pictures and talk about what you learned about them: their likes and dislikes, who they remind you of, and what you hope to do with them – in the NICU and beyond.
Share your pride with your baby. Discuss their progress: how hard they work to grow up, rest, be healthy, and come home to be with you.
Celebrate their milestones. NICU babies have their own exciting and sweet set of milestones: their first hug with each parent, wearing their first dress, celebrating their due date, moving to an open bed, breastfeeding or taking of a bottle from a first-time parent, and most exciting of all, graduating from the NICU and going home.
Final thoughts about bonding with your baby in the NICU
Bonding happens through your attention, love, presence, and care for your baby. It’s not a one-time thing – your relationship is built with every interaction.
It may seem different in the NICU, but knowing your baby and caring for them is what bonds you together. You don’t have to wait; your baby is here Everything you do communicate with your baby in the NICU counts and begins the beautiful lifelong process of building your attachment and relationship.
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