Halloween is right around the corner, and while we’re all about the spooky season, there’s one type of haunting that’s far from thrilling, and that’s the lingering presence of an ex in your life that’s causing problems in your current relationship.
Let’s set the scene. You’re in an amazing new relationship, and everything is going great, when suddenly, out of nowhere, you feel a chill in the air—the presence of an ex, ghosting over you and your new boo. These “ghost relationships” can take many forms, from exes who pop up to comment on your social media posts, to those who send you random “how are you?” text at 2 am, to those who want to be friends with your new partner for some reason. And the hardest relationship ghosts to get rid of are the ones that live in your mind, causing you to constantly compare your new relationship to your old one.
Here are some tips to help you navigate these tricky situations and maintain a healthy, happy new relationship:
1. Talk about your needs and boundaries
There is no one right way to handle exes that will work for every couple. So sit down with your partner and establish your unique needs and boundaries when it comes to your former partners. Remember that this is not an invitation for one partner to control the other’s interactions with other people, but rather an opportunity to discuss what is what and what is uncomfortable for both of you in terms of communication and interaction. It is important to be on the same page and respect each other’s feelings.
2. Be honest with your partner and yourself
If you feel haunted by thoughts of your ex, it’s time for some soul searching. Hauntings can take many forms, but common ones include constant comparisons between your old and new relationships, feeling like you’ve never gotten over the pain your ex left behind, or feeling you still want to be with your ex. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings. Honesty is the best policy, and sharing your thoughts will help you deal with any lingering emotions.
3. Focus on the present
Remind yourself why you are in your current relationship. Focus on the qualities and experiences that make it special. Embrace the present, and don’t let the ghosts of the past steal your joy.
4. Do a social media detox
Sometimes, unfriending, unfollowing, or muting your ex on social media can be a game-changer. You can also remain open to other types of communication and still benefit from not engaging on social media. Just not knowing each other’s every move can help you be present in your current relationship.
5. Be patient
Getting rid of relationship ghosts can take time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through these issues. Remember that a little ghostbusting effort can go a long way in maintaining a loving, drama-free relationship.
6. Talk to a therapist
If the pain persists and is causing serious issues for you or your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek couples or individual therapy. A trained therapist can provide guidance and strategies for dealing with these challenges.
7. Limit contact with exes when it’s not working for you
While it’s fine to stay friends with ex-partners (and sometimes we don’t have a choice, like when we’re in a small community together), it’s important to evaluate whether the relationship is healthy for you as an individual or for your current relationship. If this causes discomfort, it may be time to limit or redefine your interactions with your ex. And sometimes, it is necessary to completely cut ties with former partners. Even if it’s hard, don’t be afraid to make the tough decision to move on for the sake of your own happiness.
Stay safe out there!
