I Didn’t Realize… — Cloud Nine Birth Services | Birth Doula Services | Postpartum Doula Services

I didn’t realize when you found out you were pregnant, it was fun but also worried. Concerns over (another) miscarriage. Concerns about giving the best start in life.

I didn’t realize the day I was born, it was happiness but it was too much. A lot of emotions – some insecurities and a lot of thinking about how you will divide your time and attention between your children.

I didn’t realize that the postpartum and newborn phase is love but it’s hard. Amidst the immense bonding came sleepless nights, breastfeeding obstacles, and tears. Lots of tears.

I didn’t realize that as I learned to crawl, walk and talk, it was amazing but exhausting. It’s baby-proofing, it’s distractions, it’s the constant chasing.

I didn’t realize that throughout toddler age, it was fun but challenging. Tantrums, unlistening ears, and endless questions.

I didn’t realize that it was my first day at school, excitement but sadness. You smiled to let me know it was okay to let go but you cried as you sat in your car.

I didn’t realize that while you witnessed my growth, it was beautiful but heartbreaking. Part of guiding me was giving me the space to make my own mistakes and waiting with open arms like I did.

I didn’t realize that at every major stage of adulthood, it’s pride but it’s fear. Graduation, marriage, childbirth, career search. You had to let me find my wings and stay confident in all my decisions, even the ones you wouldn’t want to make yourself.

I didn’t realize all that you gave and continue to give until I became a mother myself.

I don’t know what gift you gave my children. The one you held tightly in your arm so I could take a bath. The one that makes you laugh in the stomach that they can hardly breathe. The proud one who calls you grandma. Those tippy-toes peek through the window waiting for your arrival…because you bring treats, you play, you kiss, you love and you adore.

The compromises are enormous. Unconditional love. You are my mother. I am eternally grateful for you.