A new mom shares her harrowing discoveries about being a stay-at-home mom and how it changed her life for good.
I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. This is my career goal. That is my corporate ladder. For me, being a stay-at-home mom is like being a CEO.
And yet, I was surprised by the reality of staying at home.
I was surprised at that time I felt jealous that my husband went to work in the real world.” I was surprised by the unseen and unknown I was feeling.
And I don’t think these things are exclusive to staying at home. Being a first-time mother, in general, is life-changing. For me, it seems like I have to adjust to being a mother and being a homemaker at the same time. It’s a lot to take in.
Here are some things I wish I had known.
What to know about being a stay-at-home-mom
- It is often sad
- Your marriage will change
- No escape
- Emotions exist in duality
- You begin to find yourself
- It’s all worth it in the end
1. It’s often sad
I am an extrovert. I took a personality test once and got 97% extrovert.
Before having my daughter, the best part of my job was the people I worked with. I didn’t apply for a remote job. I always want to be next to others.
I wish I had known before I became a stay-at-home mom I will be sad in a way I have never been before before.
The difference between loneliness in the first semester of college and The sadness of being a stay-at-home mom is that feeling late is permanent. There is no Christmas break coming up. There is no rest at all. And when you don’t know who or where to find “mom friends,” it starts to feel a little hopeless.
Contrary to my expectations, finding mom in a park on a random Tuesday and being intimate was like being struck by lightning. That is strange.
Sometimes when I see a mom pushing a stroller in my neighborhood, I get the urge to run outside and yell, “Hey! I’m here too! We should do this motherhood thing together.” I’ll do it more, but only time will tell how long until I’m desperate enough to try it.
2. Your marriage will change
I wish I had known before I became a stay-at-home mom my marriage will changenot in a wrong way but in a meaningful way.
Parenthood brought us together completely new roles and we grew up began to play a more significant role than I expected. It’s hard to negotiate expectations when you not knowing what to expect.
I wish I knew take time, grace, and communication so that my husband and I, as new parents, know what works for our family and marriage.
Read next: Feeling Separated From Your Spouse or Partner After Baby? Tips to Keep the Romance Alive
3. There is no escape
I wish I knew the resilience of being a stay-at-home mom.
It’s not easy to feel like your work isn’t done. No lunch break or clocking in, or leaving the office. There are no sick days even if you are sick.
Sometimes it can play with your mind. It’s like you’re going crazy. there is blurred line between being done for the day and constantly being on.
I don’t know how to let my work as a stay-at-home mom finish and be shared by my husband when he comes home.
4. Emotions exist in duality
I wish I had known that before sadness and gratitude can go hand in hand – and there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
I was surprised at find myself struggling at home in those early postpartum months, and I felt guilty about feeling lost while simultaneously feeling like I had gained the whole world in my daughter.
I wish I had given myself more grace to process the transition and change. Sadness for the past (my life before staying at home) is not worth regretting for what is (my daughter and my home life with her).
5. You begin to find yourself
I wish I knew how long it would take me to adjust to my new role as a stay-at-home mom.
Actually, I haven’t.
Sometimes I’m still struggling believing that what I do is important. I feel like I have to prove that being a homebody is hard work.
I have read many articles and seen many Instagram posts about finding yourself as a mother. It takes time, and you are not the person you used to bebut it is good.
I’m still waiting to get there, though each month brought me new confidence and certainty in my actions and who I am.
6. It’s all worth it in the end
I wish I knew how satisfying will be a stay-at-home mom. And not in a flashy way but in small, subtle ways.
Like when I watch my daughter learn or discover something new.
When I hold him all day when he’s sick.
When I start a garden, I learn new recipes and get to know my neighbors.
When I have a buddy in the grocery store.
When I see her biggest smile after every nap.
It’s a learning curve, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
Final thoughts on being a stay at home mom
I am more than grateful to stay at home.
I’m studying that just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s bad.
It’s hard to be unsure of how things will work out or if they will work out at all. It would have been nice to know a few things before I stayed home so I could prepare my heart and mind. But, when all is said and done, Being a stay-at-home mom is my greatest blessing and honor.
I hope you feel seen and understood if you are a new mom at home who is struggling.
Don’t forget that what you do is important.
Your work at home is important.
You is significant.
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