As a surrogate motheryou are nursing a baby for nine months—a life-changing responsibility that connects you to intended parents (IPs) in an incredibly intimate and powerful way.
Because of this rare occurrence, it is understandable that many surrogates want to have a strong connection with the parents.
While there is no such thing as a “perfect” intended parent, you can be sure of that is a perfect match for you. (And remember that when you’re ready be a surrogateSPS will help you every step of the way, including the matching process.)
But how do you know which IPs are the most suitable?
Here’s how SPS approaches the matching process, and five important things to look for in an intended parent.
The SPS matching process
When matching surrogates and IPs, some surrogacy agencies provide intended parents with a database of prospective surrogates to scroll through. But for us, surrogates are more than just a name on a screen.
Our goal is to create a bond and trust between surrogates and IPs to make the experience as rewarding for both parties as possible.
We believe that the matching process should be approached with personal care and extensive experience. Our founder and president, Cristie Montgomery, personally guides the matching process, which is one of the main reasons we have had a long history of success.
(Read a step-by-step guide to our matching process here.)
What to look for in an intended parent
1. They want the same kind of relationship during the journey and after delivery
When it comes to the relationship between surrogates and IPs, it’s important that you’re on the same page.
Do you want a close relationship with IPs on your journey? How often do you want to communicate with them, and how do you want to communicate? Do you want IPs to accompany you to doctor’s appointments?
What kind of relationship do you want after you give birth? Do you want it over or do you want updates about the child?
These are just some of the questions you’ll answer when you fill out your profile at the start of your journey and in your match meeting.
2. You agree on how many embryos will be transferred
After going through IVF, mostly IPs have more than one embryo available for transfer. Usually, one embryo is transferred, but sometimes, a doctor will recommend transferring two to increase the chance of a successful pregnancy.
If more than one embryo is transferred, the surrogate may carry multiples. So, it is important that you agree on how many embryos will be transferred at a time.
3. You share the same views on selective reduction and termination
Most of the intended parents in our program have had difficulty conceiving and experienced loss. For this reason, they obviously want a healthy child as much as possible.
Although termination is uncommon, it is important that you and the intended parents have similar beliefs on this issue.
Of course, these are difficult to discuss, but we will help facilitate these conversations to make sure everyone is as agreeable and comfortable as possible.
4. They meet your expectations in terms of personality, lifestyle, values, etc.
Before you’re matched, it’s a good idea to make a list of the qualities you want IPs to have.
For example, is marital status important to you? Does it matter where they live? Would you like to work with someone who already has children? What about sexual orientation and religion? Family structure and level of support? Is it important that they are active and have healthy eating habits or some dietary restrictions?
A match meeting is also a great opportunity to get to know each other on a more personal level and get a feel for their personalities.
5. You have a gut feeling about them
When you meet your potential IPs, it’s important to trust your instincts. Many of our surrogates say that when they recognize their IPs, they feel “right.”
Maybe your personalities just click, or you feel really drawn to their personal story.
So, while you definitely want to make sure they check the necessary boxes for you (see previous points), don’t underestimate the value of a natural connection.
Learn More About Surrogacy at Surrogacy Services
Surrogate Parenting Services is proud to celebrate more than 30 years of helping make dreams come true! Founded in 1990, Surrogacy Services (SPS) is a full service surrogacy agency which offers both parties an exceptionally supportive environment throughout the surrogacy relationship. We are passionate about creating ideal matches between surrogates and intended parents, so the journey is fulfilling for both parties and the future child is brought into this world in the best possible circumstances.
Learn more about our Surrogacy Program online or by calling (949) 363-9525.
