Two years ago today my family was together and spent my grandmother’s last moments with her. We laughed and cried as we lived together with each breath.
I marked the time. I always have. Memories, anniversaries sit there waiting for their moment. Waiting for a chance to breathe and come out again.
Two years ago the time came to mark the last moments with my grandmother.
On December 12 my mom called to say it was time to go home to see grandma. I was cold so I slept first to prepare for the drive. And then my grandmother rallied so I told my mother we weren’t going–I didn’t want to get sick. The next call comes…it seesawed for a bit until my husband came home and said, “no, we’re going.” Hubby and girls dropped me off at my grandparents for the next day and a half to be with my family.
My grandparents have always been a big part of my life. I spent some time with them. Playing with baby dolls and a fisher price phone. My grandmother sewed clothes, halloween costumes, doll accessories. One year my grandmother decided that my cousins and I should experience a fancy lunch so she took us to a resort in the area with a nice restaraunt. He makes me chocolate dipped pretzels every year for Christmas.
I can list things all day. I really can.
My grandparents were snowbirds for years–they headed to warmer climes when our harsh winters hit. I miss them without them. They are a safe place for me.
And here we are. In the last hours with my grandmother.
As I walked into her room, having no idea how to act or what to say, “I love you grandma” and she said what would be her last words “I love you.”
And just two hours later we marked the moment of my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Fifty years. They are a team. Each has its own strengths and challenges. Having each other to lean on.
Two years later and time continues to pass. Messy and in ways none of us could ever imagine but it goes on–waiting to be noticed, waiting to be hidden.
I don’t know if my soul can endure all these days since then. I was buckling under the weight, the sadness, the uncertainty.
I need my grandparents now. I need that safe place. I need them, not their time.
Live until you Grow!
