The Gifts and Challenges of Being a Highly Sensitive (HSP) Postpartum Parent 

I love my son, but I can’t stand it when they keep tugging or tugging at my clothes!

I want to be the best parent I can be, but I feel like I’m falling short of the expectations placed on me by myself, my partner, my family, social media, or society.

When I don’t get enough alone time, I become irritable. I just want a break, but I feel guilty that sometimes I don’t want to be with my son.

These are just some of the ideas my clients have shared with me about parenting as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). HSPs make up about 20% of the population, according to researcher Elaine Aron, Ph.D. Being Highly Sensitive – also known as “sensory processing sensitivity” in the research literature – is not a diagnosis but a trait that comes with its own unique gifts and challenges. HSPs enjoy heightened awareness, empathy, and depth of processing, among other benefits. They may also experience some challenges with sensory overstimulation or feeling overwhelmed by their own emotions or those of others.

For many sensitive parents, myself included, one of the most difficult aspects of parenting is managing sensory overload and overstimulation. When our own children are the source of our overstimulation – whether through crying, physical touch, or the various smells and sensations of parenting – we can feel so guilty that we become irritable. or longing for time away from them. Often, the experiences of pregnancy and childbirth are intensified by the deep emotional and physical awareness of an HSP.

Some HSP parents experience Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) along with their sensitivity. For example, a Highly Sensitive parent of an infant with medical issues may experience heightened anxiety as a result of deeply empathizing with their child’s illness. In another case, an HSP parent of two young children may experience panic attacks related to the noise and competing needs of an infant and toddler. That’s been my experience, and understanding that overstimulation is at the root of my physical and mental panic symptoms is critical to finding ways to calm my nervous system and ultimately get rid of my panic attacks. -panic attack

It is important for providers to remember that – at least anecdotally – up to 50% of therapy seekers may be Highly Sensitive, so chances are good that you have at least some HSP in your caseload. For support professionals in the perinatal community, educating yourself on the nature of HSP is a helpful first step in understanding how it may present to your clients.

Starting the conversation about sensitivity and overstimulation can be supportive for many perinatal HSPs. Once a baseline understanding of the nature of HSP is established, you can begin to explore how a patient’s sensitivity may manifest in unique ways, and from there, you can identify specific supports or coping skills. For example, an HSP patient of yours may need additional support to create a comfortable and successful birth experience, such as requesting dimmed lighting or using noise-cancelling headphones while in the hospital.

It is also important to celebrate the strengths of High Sensitivity. For example, the HSP parent’s high ability to empathize with their child and meet their needs offers a strong foundation for healthy attachment. Additionally, sensitive parents are often deep processors, meaning they are very intentional about how they want to care for their child physically, developmentally, and emotionally. Naming these gifts can help an HSP parent see beyond some of the challenges they may be experiencing and notice their unique strengths.

Once you identify the HSP trait that may be affecting your (or your client’s) perinatal experience, you can begin to take practical steps to reduce sensory overstimulation and add support. Many Highly Sensitive parents benefit from some combination of the following:

• Acknowledging their experience as a Highly Sensitive parent can be difficult, but this does not mean they are a “bad” parent – in fact, they have a lot to offer their child in terms of their emotional attunement and awareness!
• Accessing additional support when possible, including psychotherapy, child care, postpartum doulas, support groups, physical care (massage, physical therapy, etc), help with housework, and social connection. of PSI online support groups, provider directoryand resource page can be a good place to start for parents looking for additional support. When these supports are not readily available, empathizing with your client, advocating for them, and finding creative solutions can go a long way.
• Scheduling daily down time where they can attend to their own physical and emotional needs. Often a partner, childcare provider, or other support person can help do this, but it may require a little advance planning, communication, or budgeting.
• Making small adjustments like wearing noise-canceling headphones, decluttering toys and baby gear, or choosing low-intensity outings to reduce overstimulation.
• Limiting social media and internet use to reduce exposure to negativity and comparisons to other parents.
• Learning and practicing coping skills such as deep breathing, visualization, movement/exercise, listening to music, tapping (EFT), spending time in nature, and meditation.

Although HSPs may experience parenting in unique ways, they have much to offer both their children and themselves. Often, being a parent can heighten the experience of being Highly Sensitive, making it more important than ever for providers to know the nature of HSP and how it manifests during the perinatal period. Holding space for the mental, physical, and emotional aspects of this time for parents is at the core of what perinatal providers do – and with a little knowledge, empathy, and support, we can provide revitalization. support for HSP parents at a time when they need it most.

Bio

Amy Lajiness, LCSW, PMH-C, is a psychotherapist serving Perinatal and Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents in San Diego and most of California. In addition to his private practice, Inner Nature TherapyAmy created an online resource center for HSP parents at www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com. When not living her passion to support HSP parents, you can find Amy reading, playing guitar, and spending time with friends and family in the great outdoors.