I just realized that I should blog again in September (my Sept post was for August), as I promised to blog at least once a month from October 2020-October 2021. So, the post on this blog is to make up for September, and I’ll be posting again for World Mental Health Day 2021.
Today, I’m going to blog about the importance of ALL information related to a new mother’s well-being. I was glad to see the Good Morning America piece titled “Moms get real about what postpartum feels like: ‘I felt like I got hit by a bus.’” dated September 30, 2021. I love that there is a “real” conversation about the realities of postpartum. That was essentially the motivation and focus of my book, which I published in 2011 because not enough people are talking about the realities of postpartum. While my book uses the terms “hit out of left field with PPD” and “PPD hit you like a ton of bricks” in Chapter 3 (Knowledge is Power), the general idea is the same, and it wouldn’t be a bad thing. the more people talk about the realities of postpartum. The 2 moms in the article (Maria Alcoke and Jenny Laroche) share my desire to help educate other women so they can avoid the negative experiences we had. I mean, with knowledge, we have the power to reduce the fears and anxieties that come with first-time motherhood, as well as to get help EARLY.
Like my book, the article mentions that there is a lot of information out there about preparing to be a mother, about pregnancy, and about baby care, but there isn’t a whole lot about the realities of the postpartum period, such as hair loss, recovery from childbirth, the anxiety of caring for a baby for the first time, society’s expectation that the postpartum period is only for physical recovery from childbirth, and breastfeeding difficulties–to name a few only. For Laroche, who experienced severe hair loss (“I had no idea you could lose so much hair. Nobody warned me,” said Laroche, who said she felt “like a passenger in my own body” after giving birth) and worries about even the most basic bodily functions, like defecation, these perfectly normal experiences won’t be so traumatic and isolating if he knows what to expect by talking about it with other mothers or reading about it. Why are people afraid to talk about their real experiences? Are you afraid of being embarrassed? Judged by others? Not fulfilling their dream of being a perfect mother? Want to maintain the notion that pregnancy and motherhood are always happy experiences? What I want to know is why people insist on maintaining these delusions.
Wine shared:
When talking [in] women’s circles and just talking to your friends and sharing experiences, you don’t want to scare someone, do you? People don’t necessarily hear that, like, ‘Oh did you hear about tearing my penis?’ but it’s part of the process. It happens. This is very common.
These are the things I touch on in my book in my Chapter 6 (My Postpartum Period – An Exhausting and Uncertain Experience) where I talk about Interrupted Sleep/Sleep Deprivation, Startle/Moro Reflex, Colic, Nasty Eczema and Cradle Cap , My Hair Loss , and Returning to Work. I also talk about the realities of pregnancy, childbirth and the fact that breastfeeding is not always natural in Chapter 8. Here is an excerpt from my Knowledge is Power chapter:
It’s natural that you don’t want to hear about anything that could go wrong during the postpartum period. You may have enough worries related to pregnancy, with things like nausea, difficulty sleeping, getting everything ready for the baby’s arrival, spotting, cramping, bloating, preeclampsia, etc. I mean, who wants to look forward to the birth of their baby with anything but positive thoughts? And who wants to think about something you’re convinced won’t happen to you? It’s natural to deal with concerns as they arise instead of worrying about something that more than likely won’t happen anyway. But remember that a cross-that-bridge-when-you-get-to-it mentality won’t help you if, as soon as you cross that bridge, PPD hits you like a ton of bricks—suddenly and quite ruthless.
and
From seeing the happy moms around you to the ones on television and in magazines, you look forward to your future with your baby with happy anticipation, thinking that, with happy thoughts, there will only be happy ones day in the future. And just because you haven’t heard anyone you know talk about having PPD, it doesn’t mean that no one you know has. A friend, relative, colleague, or neighbor may one day suffer—or currently may suffer—from PPD, and you may not know it because he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him and he’s ashamed. let anyone know that she was unable to enjoy her baby as she had dreamed. No woman is completely immune from PPD after having a baby. With the right combination of risk factors and stressors, any woman—even you—can suffer from it.
The Good Morning America piece also touches on the fact that a woman’s body goes through major changes that–except for the size of the belly–are invisible to an observer. These changes are hormonal and even neurochemical. However, women are sent home from the hospital days after giving birth to recover and have a newborn to care for (in addition to possibly other children)! Everyone heals in different ways, length of time, etc. Most mothers experience the postpartum blues (not the same as postpartum depression – which I talk about in Chapter 8 of my book) due to the huge hormonal changes caused by childbirth. But a percentage (up to 20%) of new mothers experience postpartum depression (PPD), which is a general term for postpartum mood disorder. What the article does not mention is that there is also postpartum anxiety, postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder, and postpartum psychosis.
The piece also touches on the fact that new mothers are setting themselves up for major disappointment if they assume that, when it comes to pregnancy, labor and postpartum, things will go according to plan. No amount of books/information and staying on top of the details will fully prepare you for all the variables that include the way a woman’s body responds to childbirth, the huge hormonal swings from pregnancy and childbirth, and the personality and development of the baby…. .only a few. When it comes to having a baby, the more you want to control a situation, the greater your struggle if the results are not what you expected.
This is an excerpt from my book:
As a first-time mom, you learn the ropes as you go along. Practice makes perfect. But moms with a perfectionist or control-freak attitude have a hard time adjusting to the fact that most of their mothering experience is one where mistakes are made and it’s not possible to have complete control over your life once you have a baby. . People who set high expectations and have preconceived notions of how their birth and motherhood experiences are setting themselves up for disappointment when their expectations aren’t met.
The article also touches on the fact that postpartum care in the US is lacking. Once the baby is born, all attention turns to the baby, and everyone seems to forget about the mother. The article noted that, in 2018, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) released new guidelines to help encourage more postpartum care. Six weeks used to be the norm for a new mother’s first visit to her OB-GYN. ACOG now recommends that new mothers contact their OB-GYN within the first 3 weeks after delivery, and that care should continue on an ongoing basis, culminating in a “comprehensive postpartum visit at no later than 12 weeks after birth.” I believe the reason for this is so that the OB-GYN can check if the new mother has any symptoms of postpartum mood disorder.
- First Few Days Home … Now What?
- New Moms Need Care Too
- What is Social Support?
I’ve blogged about social support in detail before here and here. The importance of emotional and practical support in the first four to six weeks postpartum is the importance of the care the new mother needs while she is recovering from childbirth and at her most vulnerable, thereby reducing her risk for PPD. A support network should be set up before the baby arrives. Be prepared to have support on how to soothe a crying baby, how to cope with reflux and colic, how to recognize and deal with eczema and cradle cap, and how to deal with food allergies, etc. Not being prepared for these challenges and having to figure out how to deal with them through pure trial and error can cause anxiety levels to rise.
