Top 10 tips for a surrogacy journey from the Colorado Surrogacy team! — Colorado Surrogacy

1. Surrogacy research tips, what made you decide surrogacy was right for you?

I loved being pregnant but didn’t want to raise more children, so I started looking into surrogacy. I joined Facebook groups, spent hours online researching surrogacy, interviewed agencies, talked to previous surrogates, and asked my friends and family what they thought. At the end of it all, I’m very happy with the process and can’t wait to help raise another family. I want to give back -Amber

I knew from a young age, because of my sister’s health concerns, that I might want to be a surrogate. After having my own kids and it was pretty easy, why not. My sister and her husband decided that surrogacy was not in the cards. A college friend posted on Facebook, after the loss, they now need a replacement. I reached out and now the girl is happy with her mother and father. -Amanda

I want to do something so big for other people that they can’t repay me because I’m not looking for pleasure. I also watched a TV show about surrogacy and thought it was very cool, so I researched it and asked about agencies. -Callie

I had worked in the field of fertility for 9 years when I decided to move forward with my first surrogacy. I had the advantage of seeing all the ups and downs firsthand and I learned a lot from caring for patients going through the process…I learned by traveling with them. -Crystal

2. Match Meeting Tips:

It’s like a blind date, usually everyone is nervous, so you’re not alone. Be honest! Have some questions written down to ask the intended parents so you don’t get nervous and forget. Ultimately, go with your gut instinct! -Amber

Just be you. They may love you and they may not, either way, mean to. Being yourself and putting it all out there will establish a connection and bond instantly. It’s always best to start out open and honest, so that continues throughout the process. – Amanda

Super scary not going to lie, I felt judged at every move I made. The IP feels the same way, so it’s better to just be you if they love you, they love you and if they don’t, they’re not the one for you. Don’t be afraid to say no, there are other fish in the sea! -Callie

Trust your agency through match meeting; they have done this before!! While you should have your own list of questions you want answered, the agency will be a great resource for helping you with the meeting and making sure no one forgets to ask the tough questions (also, they’ll answer the awkward silences!). If you have questions, you may be embarrassed to ask yourself to talk to the agency and ask them to ask you. It’s a great way to get the answers you want but without the hassle of asking questions that may seem strange or you just don’t know how to say. – Jenn

Just remember that everyone is nervous…not just you. You are all in this experience together! Let the agency guide you through the questions and be as honest as possible. If the match is right you will feel it. -Crystal

3. Help with medication side effects; headache, nausea, fatigue…

I struggled with many side effects from the medication. My advice is to ask family and friends for help. Even if you are not pregnant yet, you may experience fatigue or headaches (among many other side effects) from the medication that prepares your body for embryo transfer. Some nights, you may not have the energy to cook dinner or you may want to go to bed by 7pm. Ask your friends for help with your children and food. Tell people you are struggling and that you could use support. You are doing an incredible thing for other people, it’s ok to ask for help! Other than the support/help, it’s important that I don’t have any magic tips that have helped reduce the side effects. -Amber

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your support system. This may include the clinic or your OB about the medication and safe ways to manage a side effect. Remember that most of these are for a short period of time and are well worth the end goal. – Amanda

Ask for a little help and ask other women what they have done, even if it might not work for you at least someone tried to help. I hate ginger, but peppermint has helped me tremendously. I was in so much pain and laid on the floor and a nurse waved peppermint in my face and I felt better immediately, but sometimes no one helped me, and I just threw up and went about my day and counted down to 40 weeks. I also drink a lot of water to help me get through the day with energy. -Callie

Always remember that this is temporary! I find that massaging my injection site after PIO really helps with knotting. I’m also lucky that my husband gives me most of my injections so I can lie down and find that helps a lot. -Crystal

4. Embryo Transfer Tips:

Drink lots of water! If you don’t drink enough, they will ask you to drink water until your bladder is full to continue. Relax, it doesn’t hurt. The worst part of the transition is peeing while they are pressing on your bladder. –Amber

You can go to the bathroom immediately afterwards, the embryo will not fall out ;-). Specula, we all know about that, and peeing under ultrasound pressure is the worst part. This process is pretty quick, and you’ll be done before you know it. – Amanda

Embryo transfer is an exciting day! It doesn’t hurt at all, so you can just lie back and enjoy the fall! Expect a full bladder…that’s no fun.-Crystal

5. Tips for waiting to find out if you are pregnant:

I went on vacation with my family. It took my mind off things for the most part and the time went faster. Don’t overdo home pregnancy tests. -Amber

Plan a distraction. This 10th day will seem like an eternity and a home test can help with that anxiety. Really, just breathe, be positive, and enjoy the quiet moment before the next steps. – Amanda

This part is suffering! I would rather have 5 PIO injections at once than endure the wait. Keep yourself busy and take lots of naps if you can, sleep passes the time. -Crystal

KEEP your mind busy! -Callie

6. Overcoming difficult times; who should I complain to?

Talk to your support team! That’s for an agency. We’ll connect you with a social worker and our team is here to support you. -Amber

Agencies, Social workers, counselors, and friends are not the only intended parents. It’s ok to let them know how you feel but it can be a touchy subject for them, even wanting them to experience these difficult times in person. -Amanda

Case Manager, Intake Coordinator, spouse, and friends. Ask your case manager for other alternatives to contact Callie

7. Tips for Failed Embryo Transfer or Miscarriage:

After each failed move in my own family building journey, I always focused on the next steps. “What can I do right away to prepare for the next cycle?” is always in my mind and allows me to continue.

It’s okay to let yourself grieve the loss. Even as a gestational carrier, you have so much emotion invested in your intended parents that you feel their loss as well. Connect with your support network; your agency case manager, agency social worker, intake coordinator, friends, and family. – Jenn

8. Tips on how to stay in touch with Intended Parents throughout pregnancy:

My IPs live thousands of miles away from me, so we have to get creative. I face-time them to appointments and if they can’t make it, I videotape important parts so they can be a part of it. I sent updates via text whenever there was something to report or if I had a cute photo or video to share. -Amber

We used an app, Tiny beans, that IPs, and their families, use to share photos and milestones without having to broadcast on social media. We still use that app years later. – Amanda

Be open with them ask them questions and give them suggestions on what has helped you as a new parent. – Callie

9. Childbirth tips! What did you bring to birth? What do you wish you had brought or done differently?

Slip-on shoes – not just flip-flops. Phone charger/battery pack, as a plug, may not be that close to you in bed. Journal or record your thoughts and feelings on your phone. – Amanda

I’m surprised no one else has mentioned soft cotton granny panties. If you’re going to have a c-section like I did, you don’t want your undies messing with your stitches/staples. -Catherine

Comfortable stuff! -Callie

Bring some favorite individual snacks (even if you pack them in smaller portions yourself.). While eating some hospital meals is reasonable (and some definitely isn’t!) it comes on its own schedule. You want something you want to eat – especially now with COVID and less chance of people taking you out for a good meal after the birth! – Jenn

10. How to prepare for a postpartum period without a baby:

You are still recovering from childbirth so have a postpartum plan. See if a friend or family member can set up a meal train so people can deliver food to your home. Find a counselor you like ahead of time in case you need someone to talk to. We can also connect you with our social worker. -Amber

Relax, and enjoy the time. You are still recovering from childbirth. Get in touch if you need help. Do things for yourself that you didn’t have time for or didn’t do when you had a baby to care for. – Amanda

Enjoy not bringing home a baby that needs 24/7 care and sleep. Plan a trip with your family because it’s all about you for 9 months and you won’t be the center of attention, so get some quality time with the family -Callie

Rest, rest, rest! Easy to say and hard to do. Make time for self-care and don’t be afraid to take the time and things you need to feel rested and refreshed afterward. Your body has been working hard for 10 months – give it a good break and rest! Need to talk? Your case manager loves hearing birth stories, and we don’t care if you want to repeat them to us 25 or more times. We’d love to hear it too! – Jenn