Sometimes it hits hard and out of the blue.
Sometimes it is a slow unfolding that happens over time.
Either way, it’s like being trapped in the darkness of a long tunnel with no visible way out.
Depression can suck up all your energy and motivation and curiosity and hope.
Simply getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, and making breakfast seems like an impossible journey.
“What’s the point?” and “Everything is too difficult” You may feel like those are the only phrases accessible to your depressed brain.
Depression calls the shots. Other people are confused by the deep hole a depressed person is in. They are trying to call you downstairs. They are upset that you can’t hear them. They try to throw you a rope but you don’t understand that even lifting your arms to reach the offer is too tiring. Soon their care becomes a disappointment. You feel their anger but no one understands that what you two share is a deep fear that you will never come out of the far darkness.
Sometimes you cry without understanding why. Your tears flow without intention or control. Sadness is the only emotion you know.
Sometimes all you feel is pain- in your bones, in your skin, in your head, in your stomach. The pain is physical and sharp and endless.
Sometimes you don’t really feel anything. You are numb to everything and you feel like you are moving without knowing that you are there and experiencing everything.
Your baby is crying. Your child reached for your hand. Your teen comes and goes and no matter what stage of motherhood you’re in, you can’t accommodate everyone. You don’t know how. You feel lost in your own darkness and can’t figure out how to be a parent and be a person.
It’s all too much.
This is what depression can feel like. If you’re a new mom, please know that one in five of you reading this is in that boat. If you are a mother with children older than one, please know that one out of every ten of you reading this post is with you.
You’re not alone. Even though you could swear you are.
Please do not give up on the small efforts of reaching the rope and starting the climb. Today and tomorrow and the next day, do something that seems impossible but that will also start you stepping into the sunlight. Eat an apple. Take care of your dog. Wash your face. Breathe long and deep. you call Let someone know you need help.
The only way is through- these deep feelings of despair and sadness and pain and sickness need attention and they are begging for your care. They make sense and they matter and they are wise beyond belief. They are here to teach you how to love yourself more fully. Learning how to love yourself is the exit point. I know, it seems impossible right? But I promise it isn’t and when you start accessing that acceptance and love the sun will start to shine again. That’s just how it works.
If you are in Colorado, contact here.
If you are located elsewhere in the US and the world, reach here
That one step is a step in the direction of relief.
We’ve got you.
