It’s completely normal to go through phases where your sex life isn’t as fulfilling as you’d like it to be. That could be because you want more sex than your partner wants, because they want more sex than you do, because you’re not having the kind of sex you want, because you don’t have the energy for sex, because the things are felt. boring in the room, or many other reasons.
Think of it this way: the average age at which people start having sex in the US is about 17. If the average American lives to about 77, that’s a good 60 years of sex, already. ..a really long time. It makes perfect sense that there will be ups and downs, but even so, it can be tough to hit a downswing. Here are some things to try.
1. Accept that you need to talk about it…a lot
If things have been easy in past relationships or in your current relationship so far, you may not need to have all those promiscuous sex and birth control conversations. -avoid STIs. As it turns out, sex can be really hard to talk about, especially if you’re not used to talking about it. But you still have to do it if you want things to change. Your sex life isn’t just going to fix itself, as long as you can make it work. No one misses that you need to express what you want.
2. See a sex therapist
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again—see a sex therapist! If your conversations aren’t going well or they aren’t productive, this is a really good way to get on a better path. You can come with a partner, alone, or both. It can be very helpful to have a professional who is used to navigating these tricky conversations there to help guide you. They can also help you figure out the source of your dissatisfaction if you’re not sure what it is. Here are some tips on how to choose the right one for you and your partner. You can find one through American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).
3. Invest in yourself
Take some time to reconnect with what you feel is good for you. If you’re upset about having sex (or not) with a partner, it can be hard to get in the mood for sex yourself. But making sure your needs are met and reminding yourself that you deserve to feel good will set you up well for thinking (and talking) about sex with a partner.
4. Discover the root causes
Things may not be exactly what they seem when it comes to issues about sex. What your partner seems to be rejecting you for, for example, may be stemming from their own body image issues. In the same way, you may not be in the mood for sex not because you are not interested in them sexually but because you do not feel that the housework is divided equally between you and your partner.
5. Keep an open mind
Just as the causes may not be what they seem, the things you can do to address the issue may not be what you expect them to be either. Keeping an open mind about both (and about the role you play in creating the issue) will help you get to a better place sooner.
