Here are 5 things I learned from being a gestational carrier:
1. The timeline was longer than I expected. Even if you are really motivated and help gather items for process, it takes time. You or the agency you work for will need to gather all medical records of the pregnancy and birth. This may take time depending on providers and if third party providers are used to maintain medical records. Matching with Intended Parents can take up to several months due to the time it takes to gather everything. Just trying to coordinate between everyone’s schedules for a match meeting can sometimes take weeks! Then you have medical screening based on your cycle, waiting for those results, then legal contract. The transfer cycle usually takes 45-60 days. These are just basic steps, depending on the agency and the clinic there may be more! Typically, you’re looking at 6-9 months when you actually start embryo transfer, then you have pregnancy and post-partum.
2. I didn’t realize how many lives I would touch. It takes a lot of generosity to give the gift of life. At first, I didn’t think so. I just thought, “Why can’t I do this for someone else?” Our family is complete, but I can do this to help another family. Both my pregnancy and delivery were uneventful. I know it’s not that easy for everyone; I am surrounded by people struggling with infertility. I felt fortunate in my experiences in creating my family. I want to give the gift of family to someone who is struggling. The little girl I gave birth to was surrounded by so many loved ones that it was so fun and amazing to watch her grow. The whole experience changed so many lives and created new ones.
3. By signing up to be a gestational surrogate I am signing up for complete transparency. I literally had a camera attached to my penis in my uterus to check for abnormalities. It doesn’t get more transparent than that! Not to mention other medical testing, when my monthly cycles were, and then all the fun pieces of a birth. The Intended Parents were in the labor and delivery room, so they saw their child born. You also engage in IPs along the way and may need to seek other medical professionals, such as a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor. Being open and honest throughout this process is key, not only medically, but also for the Intended Parents.
4. Support is key. My IPs lived in another state, where the clinic is, so I only saw them at the medical screening, at first heartbeat confirmation, the 20 week ultrasound, and at the birth. Understandably, they cannot fly for every appointment. IPs didn’t feel the baby kicking or hiccups during pregnancy, but I sent pictures and videos. (I asked before sending anything if they wanted to see pictures and videos). IPs can be a great support system, but it’s important for you to have your personal support system, whether that’s family or friends. Unless you know someone who has been a surrogate, no one can truly understand what you are going through. However, they can help your children, just listen, or step in with extra help if needed. There is more information on the Support System blog and why it is so important.
5. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it’s worth it! The journey had some tough times like the shots for IVF and the aches and pains of pregnancy. We’re also independent, so there’s no agency, and I feel alone like no one understands. Delivery is complicated and choosing not to pump breast milk is a struggle to let the milk dry. Despite all that, I won’t take it back. There was a beautiful young woman who grew up with her family. He is happy. His family is happy and prosperous. Seeing that joy and family grow was worth every struggle I made.
Each journey and each surrogate has a different process, but we all have the same goal: return the baby to their parents. If this is something you’ve been thinking about, fill out our usage form now. Even if it’s not for you, we have a great one referral program. Send your friends our way too!
