Healthy Boundaries for the Holiday Season — Postpartum Wellness Center / Boulder

Mumsy Pop March 19, 2023

0 0 3 minutes read

As soon as the Fall season begins, I notice the holiday decorations entering the stores, and my mind responds by getting busy making plans: What are we going to do this year? Are we traveling? If so, we’d better book flights as soon as possible. How do we do all the shopping? Thoughts quickly turn to all the details. The same stresses began to manifest themselves in the people I worked with, who described being so overwhelmed that their partner “was” shopping while they couldn’t imagine it. Many people notice anxiety creeping in about extended family interactions. Are these thoughts or concerns familiar? The stress of the season sets in early, and then family obligations, gifts, and celebrations begin to pile up more to-dos on the calendar.

When experiencing stressful moments, stressful responses can include racing thoughts, heightened awareness, body and breathing tightness, and heart rate and heart rate palpitations. These responses and symptoms can run through our system regularly at this time of year while trying to meet different needs and wants. On one hand, it’s a very special time to be with family and friends, and on the other hand, it can wreak havoc on our system! We can learn skills to help slow down our responses and change our perceptions. I have two key ideas that are helpful to consider and some exercises that you can incorporate this year. The ideas are to remind oneself that they are, in fact, good enough and to initiate healthy boundaries.

You may be familiar with the concept of “mother enough.” In my clinical practice, the phrase “good enough” was ingrained in our student lives, and we supported each other by recognizing a good enough paper or completing readings. This concept is also relevant here: How can we be enough family members, friends, hosts, or holiday guests this season? The root concept of “that’s right mom” was coined by Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst who observed thousands of infants and their mothers, and found infants and children actually benefited when their mothers disappointed them in manageable ways. Can we accept more of our imperfections in the service of ourselves and others? Perhaps we can be reminded and reminded not to try to do exactly this, and give ourselves a little grace in anything – being on time, making the right meal, or buying the perfect gift – and offer and accept the our best efforts. When we do that, we can shift our expectations and relax a bit, and calm the nervous system. Being good enough, as we learned from Winnicott, is really useful, so let’s challenge ourselves and keep this idea in mind during the holidays. When your gift buying, card writing, meal prep, hosting yourself reaches a 7/10 stress level, remember that you are good enough, regroup, and see where you can simplify an expectation.

We hear a lot about boundaries in our work with each other. It is an acknowledgment and awareness of navigating a healthy boundary management strategy between self and others. Boundaries are an ongoing conversation. As family members, we navigate relationships and our boundaries within them every day. For this season, perhaps we can make room for imperfection to allow for more nourishment for ourselves and our loved ones. This may be the year where you cut back on some extra events, to make sure you have some quality time for yourself and for your family, and to improve your self-care to support a healthy immune system. nerves

Here are some tips and ideas for moments to take care of yourself during this busy time:

Do something special for yourself as well as others. When running an errand, give yourself some extra time to pop into your favorite coffee shop with a book, or take a longer route to listen to a favorite podcast.
Practice thinking. Take 5-10 minutes of mindful breathing. Do a 10-15 minute guided meditation through the app. Take a walk in nature.
Connect. Reach out to a friend. Watch a favorite movie with a loved one.
Check your expectations. Consider doing less when you can. Make a list of intentions and priorities to think about and revisit.
Enjoy some music. Play tunes that help you feel better while preparing food, while showering/bathing, or while cleaning the house.
Find quiet time. Wake up before your household and drink coffee/tea, read part of a book or an uplifting article, or go to bed 10-15 minutes earlier with tea and a good book