Finding out you are pregnant can be a surprise and come with a variety of emotions. Whether it’s something you try or not, it can be surprising! Now, give yourself the time you need to adjust to your new reality. There’s a new little person in your life today and that’s huge.
How to decide when is a good time to share the news with the baby’s father
There may not be a “perfect” time, but there may be one time that is better than others; such as when he is relaxed, when he is not rushed, and when he has some time to absorb the news. Don’t pick when his favorite team is playing, or after a particularly tiring day at work, and certainly not in the middle of a family crisis.
If he is eagerly anticipating becoming a father, perhaps you can do something to make the news more special. You only get to tell Dad this baby news once, so go ahead and enjoy it! Cakes, special dinners, balloons, scavenger hunts, or special cards are tried and true ways to break the news to Dad! Gather any supplies or materials you may need, and make sure nothing pops up at the last minute to distract Dad from this big news!
If you’re not sure how enthusiastic or supportive the father will be, take extra time to plan how, when and where you’ll share the news. Would it help to have some support for yourself? It’s okay to have a close friend or family member when you break the news to the father. You might want to give Dad some time to mentally prepare for some big news. You can do this by letting him know that you want to discuss something with him and then confirming when and where this discussion will take place. It could be “when you get home from work today” or “Can we meet tomorrow at the coffee shop on Main Street?” Decide what you are most comfortable with.
This is important news that requires open and honest communication
Using text or email is probably not the most appropriate way to share this news with him. Even if there are special circumstances, like he’s out of the country for a long work trip or a deployment, you can use a face-to-face video chat like FaceTime, Skype, or Google Hangouts. That way, you can see each other which helps to reduce miscommunication and misunderstandings. Let him see your enthusiasm and determination!
News Sharing
When it’s time to share the news, it’s okay to feel a little nervous. You are probably both nervous and excited. that’s fine. This is a big deal! Take a deep breath and be honest and open. If you have planned something fun to make it a surprise, express your enthusiasm and excitement. Your excitement is contagious.
If you’re not sure how he might react, use direct statements that clearly state the reality you’re facing: “I’ve asked to speak with you because I have some important news to tell you. IM pregnant. We’re having a baby…” and then tell her when your estimated due date is or the approximate month you believe you’re due.
If the father seems to be having a hard time understanding (fathers are sometimes troubled by this news!), you can follow up with, “Your son or daughter will be born in less than nine months. ” Let him know that he’s the father, he’s not going to be the father (because he already is), and you’re going to need him to take responsibility for this baby and support you now, not later.
Be understanding. It may take time for him to get over this news, just like you did when you found out you were pregnant!
If you are concerned that the father’s reaction will be less than positive or that he will not be supportive, be direct and firm. Tell him that he is the father of the baby and then lay out what you expect from him: “I want to talk to you because I am pregnant, and you are the father of this baby. I want you to be involved and supportive.”
Again, give him some time to understand the news. If she is not willing to provide any kind of support, you may want to tell her (as calmly as possible), “I want you to know that I am ready to take care of our baby and that I have friends and family who will help us. ” At this point, he may need to absorb the news and then regroup for a day or so.
When you continue your discussion, don’t feel like you have to prepare everything for the future. It’s okay to continue the discussion and planning over the next few months. Biological fathers, at a minimum, have the responsibility to pay child support. If you need help applying for child support and other programs, there are social service agencies that can help you. If he is not supportive and you may want to explore adoption options.
If there may be a threat or history of violent or abusive behavior from the baby’s father, do not share the news with him alone. Have a counselor, social worker, or advocate with you. She can help you set appropriate boundaries with the father to keep you and your baby safe.
Again, be understanding. This can seem both scary and unrealistic to many fathers. He will need to tell you what your needs are, and what you need and expect from him. Men are not mind readers. And when it comes to pregnancy, they’re probably less intuitive about how to support you—but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to!
If the father is unsupportive or refuses to be a part of you and your baby’s life, surround yourself with people who DO support you: friends, family, co-workers, advocates, and caregivers, including community organizations. Embrace Grace is a wonderful organization that surrounds expectant mothers with love and all kinds of support.
Encourage your child’s father to reach out for his own support as well. Fatherhood does not happen in a vacuum. He will need men he trusts to support him and encourage him in his fatherhood. Soon, she may run out of chocolate cigars when the baby is born! Embrace Grace also has programs for dads.
Don’t pressure yourself or him to figure it all out at once. First of all. Remember that women are capable and have children for thousands of years.
Finally, never forget that you are awesome. Your body gives life to other people. This is an incredible time, and you deserve to feel confident in your ability to take care of yourself and your baby. You can do it—and you’re not alone!
Article provided by WomenDeserveBetter.com
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