If you’re a parent, you already know that being one comes with the innate ability to form strong opinions about how every little detail “should” or “should” play out. The topic of sleep is no exception, and I never thought I would let my children sleep in bed with me. I swore I would never be a bed-sharing mom when I was pregnant with my first child. Boy, was I wrong. While I never thought I would let my kids sleep in bed with me (at least not regularly), actually having kids changed things. That shouldn’t be surprising, though, right?
“Be prepared to never sleep again,” I hear, especially from naysayers with lots of unsolicited advice. It won’t be difficult to get back into my regular sleep routine when my babies are old enough to sleepin my mind. When they can start the night in their room and stay there until morning.
That’s right.
We All Need Sleep
It is a given. Although it’s not easy to sleep when you have kids, you learn to adapt to get whatever you can. In the new, early days of parenting, there’s a lot of societal pressure to get our babies to sleep as much as they can as soon as possible – and independently.
Over time, however, you realize that every child is different: Some will sleep well on their own, and others will need a little support, or they’re straight-up snugglers. And everything is fine. As I’ve grown through my motherhood journey with my children, I’ve learned there’s no shame in doing what’s best for my family. Right now, that means letting go of some preconceived ideas I once held of what my parenting decisions should look like and allowing myself to be open to different ways of doing things. Like getting my kids to sleep in bed with me.
I’ve Decided Bedtime Doesn’t Have to Be a Battle Zone
I’d rather we all lean into the ease of letting go of what we once thought sleep would look like than let this hour of the night become a time of stress and exhausting negotiations. Giving in to the simplest solution isn’t always the answer to parenting, but that doesn’t mean the simplest solution should be taken off the table for everyone. Motherhood is a fleeting journey, and I always choose the path that produces the greatest sense of peace for all family members. Right now, that means letting my kids sleep in bed with me and doze off feeling content and secure – with the comforting knowledge that they are safe by my side.
My Children Have Comfort in Being Close to Me
It is normal for mothers to want to keep their children close. It’s instinct. As much as I say I let my kids sleep in my bed for their sake, I’m happy to do it for mine too. There is a comfort and calmness that comes with being embraced by the people I create so closely. Right now, that means opening my bed to them as their own.
I Realize That Other People’s Opinions Don’t Have To Affect My Decisions
For a brief moment, I wondered if letting my children sleep in bed with me was creating “bad habits” – or whatever the naysayers would say of my decision. Once I started removing the external pressure to kick my kids out of bed, I discovered the refreshing freedom that comes with simply letting the situation be what it is in the moment. Today, that means welcoming my children into my bed with open arms – even in the middle of the night, when they show up at my bedroom door with a blanket and a favorite stuffed animal.
In the end, My Children Still Need Me
They are no longer brand new babies fresh from my womb, but they are still my babies. And no matter how old they are, they will be my babies. They still need me, and I’ll gladly let them lean on me and let my kids sleep in bed as long as they need to. And while my kids will always be my kids, they won’t always be real kids. It also means they won’t need me like this forever. But for now, they do. And for now, that means accepting that fact. It means saying “yes” and taking care of their needs – day or night. It means sacrificing a few feet of space to lie on my bed – and even some alone time with my husband.
Although I never thought I would let my children sleep in bed with me, things changed when I became a mother and realized that not everything goes according to plan in parenting. Regardless of what we believe when we enter the journey of raising people, I have decided that meeting our children where they are is more important than rigidly conforming to whatever society tells us “should” or “shouldn’t” do. And I’m perfectly fine admitting that. Because at the end of the day – at least for now – my children still need me.
