You may have heard the conventional wisdom that texting when you’re angry is like grocery shopping when you’re hungry—it’s just not a good idea. Now, obviously, if you lose your sh*t and rant over text, it’s not going to help. But we really think there are ways that texting during a fight, if done right, can help resolve it.
(Disclaimer: We’re talking about healthy arguments here. Things shouldn’t get physical, and your partner shouldn’t try to control you. Read more about healthy relationships here.)
1. You can be more vulnerable
Sometimes, when you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be hard to feel angry about what you actually feel. Allowing yourself to feel lonely, for example, can be a really vulnerable experience, and for some people it’s easier to get there without your partner.
2. You can take a break if you are too agitated
One of the best things you can do in an argument is walk away when you have to. It’s certainly possible to take breaks during arguments IRL, and we hope everyone does, but it’s easier when you’re communicating via text. There is less expectation for the other person to respond immediately when you text than when you are talking in person, which takes the pressure off.
3. You can be in your own safe place
Never underestimate the power of a soothing environment that you are in control of. Have you ever been in the middle of an argument and felt an overwhelming need to flee the scene? That’s your flight response. If you’re arguing via text, you can be in an environment that’s more in your control. You can light a candle, you can get under the covers, you can make yourself a snack—whatever helps you feel safe and calm.
4. You can think before you speak!
Perhaps the best way to get through an argument (and life) with the least regret afterwards is to think before you speak. Even taking thirty seconds before responding can give you a chance to ask, “Is it helpful for me to say this?” Because if not, it’s probably a good idea not to say it.
5. You can keep a note of how worthy you are to show your therapist
We’re definitely just kidding here.
