Mom Who Rejected Abortion and Saved Her Daughter Says “Adoption’s Always a Better Alternative”

Caroline Carver likes to talk about adoption.

She does this every chance she gets, in part because her own experience with adoption was, as she says, “amazing,” but also because she believes that people – especially women who are facing an unexpected pregnancy – need to know about adoption and the sheer joy it can bring.

Carver is an Air Force veteran, single mom, and former pro-life advocate who earned her second master’s degree this past August and serves as a licensed mental health counselor and client case manager for a residential tech addition recovery program.

Carver was 30 years old when she found out she was pregnant with her second child. Already a single mother with a seven-year-old son, she separated from the father of her unborn child and experienced firsthand what countless women do when they have an unplanned pregnancy; he was shocked and scared.

She was blessed to find a wonderful adoption program, and she placed her daughter PJ, now 11, with a wonderful couple in an open adoption. Carver remained a part of PJ’s life, visiting from out of state when he could. He has the love of his son’s parents, he said, while Carver has their love and admiration.

Carver is confident that her adoption experience was God’s plan, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

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“God has a plan bigger than me,” he said.

And so, passionate about helping others, he talks about it whenever he can.

“I will speak openly about adoption until the day I die,” Carver said. “I feel no shame. Shameless.”

Carver said she became pro-life because of her experience with adoption, that pro-life and adoption have become embedded in her soul.

There was such a peace that came with the adoption process that God blessed her with, she said, and even though she had plenty, she couldn’t understand it ahead of time and had to trust.

He did not question his decision to place PJ with his adoptive parents.

“I realized that through them, my daughter has a life beyond my wildest dreams,” Carver said. “And now it is fulfilled; I have a better understanding of what it’s like to raise a child the way they have, and it blesses me every time I think about it.”

Carver says he wouldn’t change things even if he could.

“Why is this beauty being taken away?” he asked.

That doesn’t mean she can’t take good care of PJ, Carver clarified, adding that her son, now 20, is doing well. But he said there was one thing he believed God had enlightened him on.

“I could have raised PJ, but that doesn’t mean I should have raised PJ,” Carver said.

“A mother’s love is sacrifice,” she said. “And the representation of my love for PJ is sacrifice through adoption. So, my sacrificial love came in the form of adoption, and I’m proud of that. I have no shame.”

“If you’re parenting, you’re making sacrifices,” Carver said. “So, it’s a different kind of sacrifice.”

Ever since Dobbs Leading media coverage cast doubt on the adoption, sometimes portraying it in a negative light.

Addressing the question of whether adoption is a positive option, Carver is willing to sit down with anyone ready for an honest discussion.

She admits that not every experience will mirror hers, but that doesn’t mean adoption should be dismissed.

“People being human and imperfect can mess up even the greatest things,” he said.

“Adoption in itself can be a good thing,” Carver said. “And I’m a testament to the many birth mothers I’ve worked with who will tell you the same exact story as mine.”

“When an adoption center facilitates an adoption in the most appropriate way that is beneficial to both the adoptive parents and the birth mother or birth parents, you will have a higher success rate and everyone’s happiness,” she added.

It’s a complicated question, Carver said, but he hopes that even those with misguided pre-conceived ideas of adoption can come around.

“Nothing is hopeless, right?” he says.

Carver also doesn’t ignore that the act of praising your child to others doesn’t happen without intense emotion.

“I can promise that what I felt was sadness … sadness at the time,” he explained. “It is our natural inclination as women to do what it takes to be a mother. We want our children to be mothers.”

“Of course, as a mother, I want to hold my child,” Carver said. “I want to kiss him. I want to love him, but all the love and kisses and hugs won’t make me a parent.”

“He needs all the love, and all I can possibly be is not enough,” Carver said. “And it’s okay to say that.”

“So, I had to deny my natural maternal instincts to facilitate this adoption, but that doesn’t mean I regret it,” Carver said. “It was literally the best decision I ever made in my life.”

By adopting, Carver said, she chose the mother her child needed and deserved.

“Why should I be ashamed of that?” he asked.

“I was empowered through adoption to choose a mother and a father,” Carver added. “PJ has a mother and father … I have peace and quiet because I know my son has everything I could ever dream of for him.”

She strongly opposes the idea often sold to women that abortion is an easy solution.

“It’s not a quick fix,” Carver said. “There’s a reason there’s trauma and PTSD for so many women after an abortion.”

She remains determined and willing to share her story and discuss adoption whenever the opportunity arises, working to change hearts and minds.

And all in all, he was very happy with the wonderful young lady he had become.

“Adoption is always a better alternative than abortion,” Carver said, “every time.”

LifeNews Note: Lisa Bourne is Managing Editor of Pregnancy Help News and Content Writer for Heartbeat International. It originally appeared on Pregnancy Help News.