“Daddy, do you want to play monkey games with me?” This is my 2 year old’s shorthand for asking for play time with daddy and his new favorite board game, “Monkey Around.” The only question I often get is, “where’s Mommy?” The answer to both rarely changes: “Sure, let’s play” and “Like I told you 30 seconds ago, Mommy’s at work.” I don’t hesitate to play with Adley, because it’s an important part of my job as a stay-at-home dad. Some days are easier to engage in than others, but I always remind myself that I’d rather be here than anywhere else. No one sees these one-on-one moments, but that’s the good thing.
Most of my dad’s friends work and aren’t lucky enough to stay home with their kids full-time. But they go out of their way to spend as much time with them as possible. This is more common now than two or three generations ago when parenting roles were more gender specific, with most parenting left to mothers. You won’t see too many people arguing over things that haven’t changed for the better. Studies suggest that this movement toward more time with fathers and more playtime with fathers is significantly impacting our children’s academic progress.1,2
Playtime with Dad Has Big Benefits
A study published in 2020 by researchers from Cambridge University and the LEGO Foundation compiled 40 years of data on how fathers play with their children and the long-term benefits.1 The study found a consistent theme between father-child playtime and how well a child can control their emotions. According to the study, children who had quality time with their fathers to play showed less hyperactivity, emotional and behavioral issues, and better control of their aggression. They are also less likely to get angry with other children at school.1
The study suggests physical play more commonly associated with fathers, such as piggyback rides or tag, helps develop those skills.1 It was especially prevalent from birth to three years of age in another study from the United Kingdom, where nearly 200 children and their fathers were observed during playtime sessions. Researchers found that children with committed and sensitive fathers scored higher on the Mental Development Index (MDI).2
Parent Play Supports Development of Skills
Researchers have also found parental play in the early years involving mothers or fathers helps support social, cognitive, and communication skills.1,2
A 2018 article from the nonprofit Exchange Family Center goes further, describing how playtime with your children adds “joy, vitality, and stability to relationships.” 3
“By making a conscious effort to incorporate humor and play into your daily interactions with your children, you can improve the quality of your relationships and connect on a deeper level, ” the article says. It’s about being active and involved in your children’s lives, including playtime.
And lately, Adley’s imagination has started to grow and develop. He will come up to me and announce that there is a ghost named JoJo chasing us, and we should run and hide. Short of dinner on the stove, I would drop whatever I was doing to be a part of the world he created.
These are some of our best and most memorable times and some of the silliest. Joining that world comforts Adley and allows her to see me as a trustworthy person during playtime with daddy.
Although there are days when I’m tired or don’t feel like playing spontaneously, I focus more on those days and remind myself of the long-term development taking place in his brain and the difference that can make. of this small gesture.
Family Play Creates Deeper Relationships
My wife, Katie, is usually done with work around 5pm (she works from home, so the commute is very manageable). We bring him to the fun whether we are in the middle of a game or running from a ghost. When it comes to our son, Katie is better than anyone I know.
This helps create deeper family relationships and allows Adley to gain confidence and stability. And early parental contact with their children promotes attachment and can lead to children growing up happy, independent, and resilient.3,4
It seems natural now, but it wasn’t always easy. As a first-time father, I struggled to find an early role in my daughter’s development. I believe it is impossible for a father to bond in the same way with a child in the first six to eight months as a breastfeeding mother. It can be humbling to find out where you fit. But I kept in touch with Adley as much as possible. I would hold him on conference calls to work for the first few months.
My co-workers love to hear her coo as I reveal a new idea or discuss the angle our company should pursue. At the time, I didn’t think much of these interactions. I do what needs to be done to get my work done and entertain my daughter.
Now, I understand better the lasting impact of this time together. It was a quality time. This playtime with dad established and maintains the strong relationship I have with Adley today.
