When I first moved to Boston, I only went to an OB-GYN recommended by a friend. As co-founder of Cofertility—which offers accessible (even free) egg freezing and a more human egg donor matching platform—you’d think I’d do more research to find the right provider. Instead, I just wanted to hit the ground running after my move, and continue the IVF treatment I had already started in New York. But one child and another miscarriage later (now putting my pregnancy loss total at 5), I knew I was ready to make a move.
As my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of another baby, there were a few things about my previous OB-GYN experience that just didn’t sit right with me. I now know more about the process and my own needs. And, more and more, I began to think … my OB should be a doctor I really, really *love*.
Working in the fertility space, I hear all the time from people who are thinking about switching doctors, but don’t have the energy to go through the research, paperwork, scheduling and—perhaps the biggest hurdle—the building trust which needs to occur when exploring a relationship with a new provider. I can relate to that so much. It really hurts. But in my case, it was worth it. It wasn’t until I switched OB-GYNs that I realized how wrong my original doctor really was for me.
Why we go back to our doctors—and why we switch
Turns out, there’s some actual data about what might be causing a patient to return to the doctor’s office. Recently, Inception Fertility ran a study which indicated that patients were 28% more likely to return to a fertility clinic after receiving a compassionate email from them. One more Journal of the American Medical Association study also indicated an increase in patient engagement related to easier portal communication and billing.
These studies made me think about my own experience with my OB-GYN and why I associate with some providers more than others. At the time, it was hard to say exactly why I wanted to switch doctors. But upon reflecting on it, I realized that these considerations fall into three categories:
1. Feeling rushed, deaf or stiff
Because of my complicated fertility history, when I finally seemed to experience a successful pregnancy, not only did my husband and I have a ton of questions (having never been on this side of the fence before), we also had a lot of certainty. . It should be a red flag when my OB-GYN walks out the door anytime we ask too many questions.
I found myself saying to my husband something I used to say when we first started our IVF journey: remember, we are not their most annoying patients. Ask questions, and don’t settle for feeling anything less than confident.
I get it: In today’s fast-paced health care system, it’s common for doctors to have tight schedules. However, the right OB-GYN should put your well-being first, take the time to address your concerns and never, ever, make you feel rushed. Your OB-GYN should be a source of reassurance and information, not a conveyor belt of appointments. If you consistently find yourself not being heard during your visits, it may be time to explore other options.
2. Considering “baby-friendly” vs. “mom-friendly” hospitals
Before having a baby, I had never heard of the concept of baby- vs.-mom-friendly hospitals. But after giving birth to one of each, I can say the experience was different. Understanding the difference between the two—and being clear on which birthing hospital your OB-GYN is affiliated with—is very important.
Baby hospitals
Baby hospitals are known to emphasize breastfeeding and baby care immediately after birth. They probably won’t offer you formula unless you explicitly ask for it or there is a medical risk to the baby. This is the case even if you are experiencing supply issues, or your baby is losing weight more than you are comfortable with. Raise your hand if you’ve been able to breastfeed *immediately* after giving birth. Anyone?
Baby hospitals tend to avoid using the nursery for newborns, citing the benefits of the stay for baby and mother. For many parents, these views align with themselves—or they feel comfortable knowing that they’ll just have to push themselves a little further at that hospital. Others, however, may feel that these initiatives may harm the mother’s comfort and well-being.
Maternity hospitals
Mother-friendly hospitals tend to prioritize the mother’s needs, wishes and well-being to ensure a more comprehensive approach to care. When I switched OB-GYNs, I also switched birthing hospitals. And when I had my second child, it was a completely different experience. After over three hours of pushing and finally accomplishing my goal of a VBAC, my nurses really encouraged me to send my baby to the nursery. I know my daughter is in amazing hands, but I have to take care too.
Do yourself a favor when consulting potential OB-GYN replacements: ask about hospital approaches to these issues. If they don’t align with your own plan, that hospital (and OB-GYN) may not be compatible.
3. Focus on the journey as much as the destination
The final straw before switching to an OB-GYN was when I got pregnant on my own and got a ton of pushback on my requests for simple hCG and progesterone blood work that would give me peace of mind after a few pregnancy losses. Not only did my clinic not do blood work (instead, referred me to my fertility clinic even though it wasn’t an IVF pregnancy), the clinic didn’t even follow up when I didn’t go back because of that pregnancy loss .
Now, I know that OB-GYNs are not reproductive endocrinologists (REIs). But there is 1 in 6 people face fertility challenges worldwide and 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in loss, I feel strongly that OB-GYNs need to provide more proactive fertility and pregnancy loss support versus just obstetric care. There are many fertility issues that can be easily caught and investigated to prevent future issues. Hormonal blood tests or investigating irregular menstrual cycles, for example, can make or break the level of complexity for one’s fertility journey down the line. It can even motivate someone freeze their eggs who wouldn’t have it?
Your OB-GYN should be a partner in your reproductive health journey, not just a destination for prenatal care. So, after that experience, I closed the door on my former OB-GYN and began actively looking for a new one.
Why the human connection is important in reproductive healthcare
Fortunately, my new OB-GYN was a good fit. He was informative, thoughtful, patient and even funny before, during and after my pregnancy. When I started looking for a new OB-GYN, she was the only one who jumped on the phone to casually discuss my complicated fertility history and how to take it into account. Thanks to his warm patience (along with his star experience that spoke for itself), I knew he was the right match for me and trusted him completely.
As patients, it is our responsibility to promote our health and well-being. If you find yourself rushed, uncomfortable or unsupported in your reproductive health journey, consider exploring other OB-GYN options. Remember that you deserve a health care provider who puts your needs first, values your journey, and offers compassionate care. Switching OB-GYNs can be a step toward achieving the perfect healthcare partnership and a more satisfying reproductive health journey. And that is something we all deserve.
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