If you want to lock yourself in the bathroom or jump out of your own skin if someone needs something else from you, you may be “touched.” Here’s more on what it means to be a touch-out mom.
Maybe “touched out” is a new term for you, or maybe it’s something you’ve heard before. Whatever your reasoning, you’re here because you feel it – something! – and want to know more about it and how to deal with it.
What does it mean to be “handled” as a mother?
The “touched out” is a state of great anxiety or agitation which arises due to a high need for physical contact from another being (usually a child). This is a common experience for mothers and happens more often during infancy and toddlerhood, because these stages require a lot of close contact with our children.
As a breastfeeding parent, you may feel more excited than expected as you use your body to feed your baby. Although you may not feel your baby being attracted while eating, they are feelings may arise when your partner or another child tries to initiate physical touch or communicate.
Common signs you’ve been touched out
Do any of the signs below apply to you? You may have been affected if:
- You don’t want to be touched and actively avoid it
- The idea of being touched or needed feels stressful
- You are more reactive than usual
- You become agitated, frustrated, or angry when you are touched or think about being touched
- Your skin or body feels tense or uncomfortable to the touch
- You have a lower sex drive than usual
- You feel guilty for avoiding the handle
Being “touched out” is a symptom of being overwhelmed
To better understand the feeling of being “touched,” it may help to understand excess.
Brene Brown refers to excess as “an extreme level of stress and emotional and cognitive intensity to the point of feeling unable to function…the big difference is that we can function in stress; we can’t really function in overwhelm.”
We all know that being a mother comes with a lot of stress – taking care of someone else while trying to take care of ourselves and everything else is hard work.
It takes effort to do anything when kids aren’t a factor, but it’s harder when they are. When children depend on us for almost every need and want – feeding, comfort, play, completing important tasks, and many other things – seem to require it endless anticipation, preparation, response, and problem solving, making it difficult to keep up.
The good news – if you feel “touched out”, your body is working. “Touched out” is your body’s way of communicating with you. This is your body’s way of telling you that you are overwhelmed and need some extra space and support.
Breaking the “touched out” cycle for good
As I said earlier, motherhood is stressful, and the stress is inevitable. Many mothers find themselves with less time for self-care than before; Old stress management techniques don’t work either, and they try to move on.
They don’t realize the negative impact until horrible, tension in their bodies, anxiety appears, and irritation. They may not know it’s too much until their body prompts them.
In motherhood, it can feel like the needs of our children and others (especially physical ones) push up against our own needs – needs for calm, bodily autonomy, time, and care self When “touch out” occurs, your body is saying it needs a break from nursing and should be taken care of.
Techniques for touch-out relief that work
- Talk to your partner.
- Be clear about what you are experiencing
- Find ways to negotiate needs and gain space.
- Share the load.
- Respect your need for space.
- Practice meditation.
- Find time to exercise.
- Connect with friends/family.
- Get space when you need it.
In moments when there is no space available
- Give yourself compassion.
- Label your feelings.
- Accept that this is temporary.
- Let yourself touch it.
- Make space.*
*Making space with a baby can look like reaching for the baby, putting the baby in a crib, going to the bathroom for a few deep breaths. With young children, model the need for freedom to sort out emotions and come back to yourself.
Final thoughts about being touched out as a mom
Experiencing the feeling of being overwhelmed as a new – or seasoned – mother is completely normal. But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s easy to handle or navigate.
Now that you know more about these feelings, hopefully, you feel better able to give yourself compassion and be proactive about your needs the next time they get up.
Recommended resources on motherhood overwhelm
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