A Therapist Shares Why Being Mindful and Present in Motherhood Can Be Challenging
If you struggle to stay present and engaged in your children’s presence, you’re definitely not alone. A therapist shares more on this topic below.
Motherhood is hard; by now, we all tend to agree. Although the challenges of motherhood are universal, the the specific obstacles we face may differ and be aware of the different times in this journey.
The truth is that there is no “hardest” time of parenting. “Difficult” manifests and manifests itself at different times.
For a mom struggling with sleep deprivation and regulating her milk supply, that’s tough! And don’t tell him otherwise.
The mom who’s consoling her teenage daughter after a breakup, that role is also challenging!
The mental challenges of motherhood
One of the challenges I’ve been facing lately, and I know it’s a common challenge for other moms, is being present. Maybe you can relate.
Perhaps you recognize yourself elbow deep in tasks and answering your child’s questions without listening. Your child is describing a game he played at school, and after 17 minutes, you’ve lost track of the story and are making a mental grocery list.
Your child has asked to play with farm animals, and you’re not enamored with the idea of pretending to be a pig, so put it off by suggesting that you join the farm shortly. Many mothers before me have said things like, “You’ll miss those moments one day” or “Soon you won’t have to dress them or hold their hand.”
Now, those statements seem to hold true. I find myself looking at pictures of my children as babies and thinking, “Was I there at that moment; did i take it all and those moments are right?”.
Why is it so hard to be a mother?
Why is being present such a struggle? Is this unique to motherhood, or is our difficulty in being present simply resented by motherhood?
Being focused and focused on the here and now with or without interruption in a society that glorifies busyness feels confusing.
We are always around visual or auditory distractions, and the more roles we play (mother, wife, employee, colleague, housekeeper, etc.), the more responsibilities requires mental and physical attention.
So, there is more “stuff” taking up our time.
Let’s turn our attention inward and see feelings or psychological experiences such as anxiety, stress, depression, fear, guilt, or shame. They, too, can take a big slice of our attention pizza.
If you’ve ever experienced a nagging nagging feeling, you know how hard it can be to focus on anything when struggling with it. Motherhood is a collective experience of so many emotions all wrapped together.
As mothers to young children, our responsibility extends from ourselves to other people. Unconditional love also means caring for their well-being. The mind is now consumed with our past, present, and future experiences and those of our children.
Can we be present and helpful to our children 24/7? I will not argue. there is responsibilities that must be prioritized and met our needs as mothers. The anxiety and stress of dropping all our children’s activities can be counterproductive.
Bills have to be paid, and meals have to be cooked, but can we plan our days better to make room for more focused and present moments with our children?
How to be more present in motherhood
- Know yourself (and your feelings)
- Carve out distraction-free time
- Focus on mono-tasking (not multi-tasking!)
- Take back control of your thoughts
- Create family traditions
- Practice meditation and mindful breathing
1. Get to know yourself better
If being a mother is difficult for you, one of the first things we can do is: take time to get to know ourselves better. Recognizing some of our patterns and how we deal with distraction.
Acquaintance with our feelings and where we are comfortable and which we try to avoid. The better we understand ourselves, the more likely we are to make changes.
Take the time to recognize the moments when you realize you’re not there and the moments you notice you are. How do these moments feel?
2. Draw a “present tense”
We can start by implementing practical strategies to carve out the “current” period with our children. Maybe that looks like putting away our phones for an allotted time in the day or removing other distractions for a short time where we can focus on the here and now.
Spend 30 minutes playing a game or having a distraction-free conversation you probably feel more connected for you and your child than two hours of repeated distracting interactions.
3. Focus on mono-tasking
Disappointment and disappointment are frequent when we feel like we can’t finish a task or get distracted repeatedly trying to multitask.
Sometimes mono-tasking may help. We try to focus and complete one task before tackling the next.
4. Take back control of your thoughts
Being more present doesn’t mean turning off the “noise”. This does not mean ignoring thoughts of the past or future but trying to manage when we focus on them. While spending time with our children, we can find ourselves lost in our thoughts or working through our mental to-do lists. That’s fine!
However, this is a great opportunity to control our thoughts and acknowledge them but choose not to give them more attention until you’re done with the interaction. Journaling can be a great way to bring some of those thoughts together.
5. Create family traditions
Creating family traditions can be another way to bring a more concerted effort to be more present. It looks different in different families but essentially blocks time for a family activity where you strive to prioritize full engagement.
Whether it’s pizza and games night or maybe a baking or craft activity on Thursday afternoon, it could be a family walk every Sunday. The whole family knows when it is all other responsibilities are paused during the activity.
6. Practice meditation and mindful breathing
Finally, meditation and mindful breathing, even though they can feel intimidating, can be a great opportunity to practice being more present. It could be five minutes a day to remember and relieves himself, or for some; training can become a more significant part of your daily schedule.
Final thoughts on thinking about motherhood
Being present is not a task that we do once and then it’s over. It’s something to practice one step at a time. I think remembering to be present is the hardest part of trying to be more present.
Hopefully, mindfulness and the collective effort to be more present is something you do and share with your children. Depending on their age, it will look different, but some fun exercises, such as encouraging them to massage their own hands and bringing awareness to physical sensations they feel through their palms and fingers.
Another fun child’s thinking activity can be putting a raisin in their mouth and encouraging them to identify what it feels like using all their senses.
No matter how much you decide to add to your motherhood mindset, know that every effort counts and makes a difference.
