Giving Thanks (AKA how to get back to sleep at night)

Life has changed and been challenging, in more ways than any of us could have imagined, in more months than we could have imagined.

And, unlike in the past, that’s not just true for new parents!😅

As a small business owner, I’ll be honest, there’s no way I’d stay sane if it weren’t for the relentless devotion to the daily gratitude practice I started way before 2020. I only wish I’d started it back in my children are young. Alas. I gift it to you. My kids are grown and amazing, but, trust me, it will serve you well raising kids, living through a pandemic, living life.

If you look at our blogs, you know that “calming the nervous system” is a favorite topic of mine. So, spoiler alert: The answer is gratitude.

Oh, I know, that’s all well and good, and we all have a lot to be thankful for, but, as a group of moms told me last week:

“OMG have you watched what is happening in our country!?!?!?!?!” And, the kids are at home, ALL THE TIME, and I have a second full time job that I feel I am TOTALLY UNQUALIFIED for and it is very important that I get well quickly and that I farm it in a sister who doesn’t qualify either, but at least she has another screen up and can look up how to divide fractions without the “class” seeing her, and the one I married, who I really love, and even like most of the time… who knew “for worse” meant THIS?!?!?”

I can hear you.

See the compiled “quote” above. Think of it as one of those puzzles where you try and find the objects hidden in the picture. Sometimes gratitude is easy peasy, right there. Some days it is not clear. These *could* be those days. (see “answers” below)

Here are some recent events where gratitude has served me well:

• Our business is down 90%. Overnight. And, as it gets better, emphasize less. We have closed 2 of our 3 stores.

I am thankful now that I have a store.

I am grateful for the truly amazing clients I meet every day! Awesome, you guys are the best!!

I’m even thankful for the very few clients who find something “wrong” (ie they didn’t remove the hang tag before washing) the ad makes us angry. They teach me. I am grateful for the reminder to stop, to consider that while they direct their anger at me, we are ALL struggling.

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• Both our children lost their jobs.

I am thankful that they are both healthy.

I am thankful that we live in a climate where we can easily meet outside.

I am thankful for Lake Merritt.

I’m thankful we have a backyard.

I’m thankful they have some form of support-unemployment and medicare, at a time when it’s hard for us to be that way. (As a parent it’s hard to say but, with the rug completely pulled out from under us, it’s the truth.)

I am thankful that we have enough to help them with mental health care if needed.

I’m grateful for the fact that in their early 20s they both saved a modest amount despite not working in high-paying fields.

I’m thankful they’re not home today.

I am grateful to have them in my life because they are wonderful and they have taught me, and continue to teach me.

I could go on for days. Do you see how a thread can go on, and it just goes on and on?

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• I am “weak”, not as a result of any underlying cause, but because I have MS and the whole point of my disease-modifying medication is to bring my immune system down from its overactive tendencies.

I am thankful for pain-modifying drugs.

I am thankful that there is now a pill, no more syringes.

I am grateful to UCSF.

I thank all the scientists.

I am thankful for docs who understand the disease and keep my immune system in the sweet spot.

—

• My father lives in Iowa. (I know, no one who knows me thinks of me as an Iowa girl, but I am!) A place where masks were considered a political statement, not a public health one, until recently .

I am thankful that my father was exceptional at taking care of himself.

I am grateful that my father can keep himself completely entertained by doing the craziest shit within the comfort of his own home.

I’m grateful for the smiles his projects bring, because, truly, my sister and I laugh in a loving way just thinking about the TYFWT TouchYourFaceWithThis he invented in the early days of the pandemic.

I am, oddly enough, thankful that my mother died less than a year before this pandemic.

I am thankful that before the pandemic I was able to soar in the clouds and see my father regularly.

I thank the airlines.

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So, how can you use gratitude to live, stay sane, and be happy?

On a busy day? It only lasts a second a day. Close your eyes and think of something or someone you love. Then open them. Repeat hourly as needed. It takes a while, but eventually, you’ll retrain your brain, and you’ll just find yourself doing it. Alarms can help in the meantime!

At night? Breathe. Breathe in the thought of something beautiful that isn’t physical, something you love or appreciate-gratitude, acceptance, beauty, courage, grace, freedom, hope….you get the idea. Breathe out what you don’t want—anger, frustration, fear, expectations, etc. stop? (Or can’t stay on task?) Try it alphabetically. List what you’re thankful for starting with A. My oldest is Alexander, so, that’s easy. Sometimes I just keep doing A’s until I run out, then I move on to B. X is hard, so I am grateful that rule breaking is a thing and as long as there is X in the word!

All right. At this EXACT MOMENT, what are you thankful for?

You have it now mom.