As any parent knows, welcoming a new child into your family brings its own unique changes and challenges. As a mom of two young children, I can assure you there is a huge difference going from 0-1 child to 1-2. While going from being a parent of nothing to a parent of one and then, a year and a half later, a parent of one to a parent of two are two unique experiences; they are both easy in some ways and difficult in others.
The Hardest Part of Going From 0-1 Child
Before having children of my own, I spent many years loving, nurturing, and working with other people’s kiddos. Because of this, babies, in general, are not new territory for me. For that reason alone, going from 0-1 kids is pretty unchallenging. I know what to expect, I’ve spent a large part of my adulthood learning about little people, and I’m not shocked when my whole world changes overnight. In awe and wonder? Absolutely. Surprised by the arrangement? Not so much. That doesn’t mean it isn’t still an adjustment, though. For me, this is the hardest part of being a first-time mom:
Confidence in My Abilities as a Mother
Being a mother for the first time meant being fully, completely, 100% responsible for someone other than myself for the first time as well. With going from 0-1 child came the weight of constantly wondering if I was making the best decisions for my daughter. I wonder if I’m doing everything I can to give him the best start. I desperately hope that I am the best mother for him. I also had to learn to cut through the noise surrounding baby sleep, feeding, milestone-meeting anticipation, and trust in my family’s unique journey.
Learning to Give Myself Grace
While I loved being pregnant and never felt more confident in my own skin than I did throughout my first pregnancy, it took a few months for me to feel comfortable with my postpartum body. For the first time in my life, from 0-1 child, I physically changed overnight. I wasn’t prepared for the mental and emotional toll that came with my C-section scar, breastfeeding, and even postpartum hair loss. In addition, I was not prepared for my birth plan to be chaotic. It took time for me to regain my confidence in my body, which was difficult.
Navigating Changed Relationships
Having a baby and going from 0-1 kids shows you who is (and isn’t) on your team, which is a lesson I learned first hand. Some friendships are stronger, new ones are formed, and others become distant and unfamiliar. Setting boundaries with in-laws poses endless challenges and discomfort. My marriage changed dramatically as my husband and I poured our all into parenting. All of these changes at once are a lot to navigate.
The Challenges of Going with 1-2 Children
I became pregnant with my second child a few weeks before my daughter’s first birthday. Although my sweet son was planned, the hardest part of going with 1-2 kids was starting to test positive. I’m used to taking care of a baby after going from 0-1 child, which is both a blessing and a curse. With the experience of motherhood came a deeper love than I had ever felt before. Knowing that I was about to share that love with others was terrifying. This was the hardest part of my second-time motherhood journey:
Dividing Myself Between My Two Babies
My second baby was born prematurely and spent the first few months of his life in and out of the NICU and PICU. Meanwhile, my firstborn needs me as much as ever. Leaving my baby girl at home to be with my baby boy in the hospital for the day was tearing me apart, as was leaving him to be with her at night.
It’s true when they say your love grows with each new baby, from 0-1 child or from 1-2 children. Somehow, it’s enough to go around. Although, it’s hard to get used to being physically there for one baby while being away from another (even across the room) is difficult. Heartbreaking. Almost a year later, it’s still hard.
Adjusting to My Family’s New Norms
As a stay-at-home mom since becoming a mom over two years ago, it was a piece of cake to take my daughter on almost daily outings when it was just the two of us. With just a sleep schedule, a feeding schedule, and a little baby to work around, we can quickly grab the diaper bag and head to the zoo, the library, the playground, the museum; name it Planning for days out – or even running simple errands – takes more work with two little people. While it’s doubly fun to see my kids experience new things together, our daily routine requires a lot of flexibility.
It also took some adjusting to get used to a new dynamic with my babies. Before my son was born, my daughter was 100% of my attention 24/7. Now, baby didn’t get that. While they benefit from all the good things that come with having each other, there are days when I can’t help but feel a little guilty that I can’t focus on either of my kiddos at any given time. Going from 1-2 made me weaker than ever, and I feel it every day.
Balancing Sleep, Feeding, Connection, and Everything
There is a huge learning curve that comes with going with 1-2 kids and learning how to balance it all. Everything from feeding to changing to playing and entertaining is truly non-stop with two babies, and there isn’t much time for anything but taking care of my little people. While I wouldn’t have it any other way, going from 1-2 kids is a whole new ballpark in this sense.
Whether going from 0-1 or going from 1-2 kids is more difficult is a topic I often hear discussed among many mothers. I find that going 1-2 is harder than 0-1 because there are now two little people for me. But I’m still one. Other moms had a harder time going from 0-1. Both changes bring unique challenges and many memorable moments. Therefore, I can wholeheartedly say that I am grateful for everything I have learned at every stage of my motherhood journey.
