If you’re surprised by the sadness that new motherhood can bring, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there’s a great tool to help combat that feeling.
At this point, we all know the statistics on the epidemic of loneliness. That is epidemicaccording to our Surgeon General – but most of all, you know grief because you’ve lived it.
Most mothers feel alone in the first few newborn months, then confined to the home by sleep schedules. We feel alone when we watch our partners go to work and when we try to figure out how to deal with “doing it all”: back to work, the invisible load, the expectations.
How to overcome loneliness in motherhood
“I think the fastest thing you can do to improve your happiness is to have a little social connection.” said cognitive scientist and host of The Happiness LabDr. Laurie Santos.
When you start looking, there are many options to get out there to learn how to fight your loneliness.
You can go to the library’s story time, join an online moms’ group, go to the park, chat with other moms in the sandbox, or try a playdate at your house or a stroller jog.
But I bet no one told you that practice daily gratitude can be more than just a practical tool – and help you strengthen your existing social connections.
Releases neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonina gratitude practice allows for positive reinforcement your brain has to create new neural pathways. It opens us up to new experiences and even new friendships.
Answer story time: maybe a mom next to you asks about your stroller or your baby’s bib – you tell her where you got it, and she thanks you. It feels good to say thanks and help. How connected will you feel if he doesn’t say thank you?
According to a new survey by Pew Researchtwo-thirds of parents say raising children is more complicated than expected, including one-third of mothers say it is more complicated than expected.
We need deep and rich friendships because modern parenting has become very difficult. Finding ways to incorporate connectivity into your daily routine is important. However, we need to cherish those experiences with gratitude.
Using gratitude to overcome sadness and deepen your connections
1. Try daily practice
Making a list or journaling every day helps us remember all the people in our lives, the moments of connection which can be covered by the sand your toddler threw at the park, and the appreciation expressed by your partner or an older child while you are probably busy with a thousand other tasks.
2. Enjoy your personal time
“Savoring” means a conscious effort to be fully present in an experience.
Yes, it’s difficult with a baby or toddler attached, but it doesn’t have to be tunnel vision. Noticing a friend’s abundant laughter, how they always compliment your clothes, or even just the atmosphere around you as you walk together is contribute to the lasting impact of the experience – helps you remember it later for your gratitude list.
3. Write a letter
Thank you letters are one of the the most studied examples how gratitude can improve our lives for the better – and for extended periods.
In a studyto the participant mental health remained high for several weeks, not just a few days, from just writing a letter. And they find that you don’t have to send it – although if you do, I’m sure the recipient will be grateful.
4. Find ways to help
Find a simple way to brighten a fellow mother’s day – even the person he was thanking tonight. Contributing to the happiness of others is a simple way to feel less isolated and more “part of.”
The community of moms is wide and varied, but we all go through similar situations.
Hold a door for a mom with an overloaded stroller, put a fresh pack of wipes in your bag, and bring extra bandaids and snacks. My favorite thing to do when my kids were older was to take old sand toys to the public park and leave them in the sandbox. One less thing for the expectant mother to remember.
Final thoughts on grief, gratitude, and motherhood
“When we focus on the good that comes our way every day, we are filled with deep appreciation instead of drowning in the weight of our problems,” says noted gratitude researcher, Professor Robert Emmons, in his book Thank you!
And it’s so easy to get bogged down in our motherly burdens. Combining the enriching connection and the transformation of the mindset of gratitude can be a simple way to lighten the load.
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