I remember like it was just yesterday, Caitlyn was 8 weeks old and I went to Target by myself. This is probably my first outing without him. I didn’t even go back to work.
But there I was, hiding in Target having a panic attack. I can’t breathe and I’m crying. As if bent over sobbing. Because he will grow up and leave me.
That feeling really came back the moment he was born.
After 25 hours of labor, they put this baby on my chest and I realized from that moment that I had to share him. I have her all to myself for 9 months but even at this moment, the midwife holds my baby first and takes her to do all the medical checks.
I have to share him for the rest of his life.
I didn’t want to be seen as psycho, I shoved that feeling as far down as possible and started our life together. I must have done something right because my mother-in-law complimented me on how kind I was to share with her. I brushed it off saying I knew I got to take her home no matter what but in all honesty, I was internally gritting my teeth every time I had to share her.
But share with him what I have. Yes, we homeschool, but she has a full social life, volunteers, works, all the things. Now we are at the top of what really needs to be shared with him. He has been accepted to 20 colleges/universities so far. And he will go to one of them. I will be so excited to see her grow and do things and pray that she knows we are always a safe place to land.
But for now, I’m standing at my computer trying to write something for her senior yearbook.
Words escape me. But tears are not. I went back to hiding in that Target struggling to breathe and crying.
Live until you Grow!
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