Really? Yes!
What did you know about pregnancy… before you were pregnant?
What did you know about newborns…before you had one?
What do you think you know about newborns if you’ve never had one?
Toddlers? Young people? Yes, until you’re actually there…it’s really hard to know!! 😨
And that’s just a fact!
There’s a whole heck of a lot that we don’t as parents. And, that’s fine! Not much reading books, listening to podcasts, watching experts on YouTube, Instagram and Facebook etc. that will make you the perfect parent all the time. This can make you the most confused and tired. Difficult moment? Yes. Perfect moments? Absolutely! 💗
We’re lucky here to work with living people in real life, and one thing that happens in the shop, and is starting to happen again… is mothers crying. So, why the tears now?
1. New Mom
“I just didn’t realize it would be like this like this.”
Even Snoo isn’t working, he just won’t sleep and we’re so tired I feel like I’m losing my mind and my body is gone. He is perfect of course and we love him….”
Oh mom, of course you love him! Maybe we talked for about an hour? (So, that’s the good thing about having a business affected by the pandemic? You can give yourself completely to your clients!) The tears dried, she felt a little hopeful, had some new tips and tools.
Doing it “right” means admitting you don’t know what you’re doing. And sharing that, and asking for help.
What kind of support and help you get can vary, depending on you. But, if you need help? Get it!! You and your baby deserve nothing less.
Tips for New Parents
There is no right or wrong, there is only what works best for you to try.
- Find/call/text/email a few friends/family members (more than one is recommended) trust them, let them walk baby for at least an hour, preferably as long as they like your baby takes a nap. or sleep for the night. (10, 1, 3 or 5:30/6)
- Find a Postpartum Doula (We were really lucky to work with the amazing Kate Dane in the shop for a while, and she’s a doula too! There are so many great doulas out there, but, there’s no shame in doing what you want. www.mamahavendoulacare.com)
- Get a Night Nurse
- If you have a co-parent you trust, talk and work out a schedule for both of you so you can have time alone without the baby. It may be difficult, but it is important and trust me, your baby will never remember it, and you will have a tool that will serve you well for years to come. No joke.
- Do a One Minute Meditation
You do it perfectly. You are perfect parents to your perfect child/children…by which I mean you are completely imperfect, just like your children.
2. Expecting her second son “I’m happy of course…but…honestly, not thrilled. It’s hard, why am I doing it again?! And, I’m afraid that with two of the same one will. become more doing well in sports, or school, or something and the others feel bad.”
I just reminded him, over and over, that everything was going to be okay.
In my experience- which is definitely not for everyone- the second one is easier- because I’m not nervous! I know they might cry (okay, cry!)..a lot, I know real what to expect! As one customer once cried “I thought it was going to be rainbows and sunshine, and it wasn’t!”
And talk about future tripping, we’re worried about the future feelings of the baby in utero! 😂 I reminded her that our job is to love them for the unique wonderful individuals they are! I didn’t get all therapist on her (because, ha, I’m not a therapist!) but usually those fears are based on our experience as children, and that almost always does it be the case in many of my convos with second time moms.
Tips for nervousness and anxiety:
- Gently ask yourself how much worrying about it is helping.
- Find professional support for you. (Don’t expect another exhausted parent to do it for you—be it therapy or massage!)
- Hold your baby/toddler/kids and tell them you love them-or, if you’re not a lover, just tell them, or find a way to communicate love that’s comfortable for you.
- Breathe for a nanosecond.
- Look around you and make a small gratitude list of 3 things you are grateful for, at this very moment.
- Remind yourself that our brains are plastic and that there are other things to think about—the more we worry, the deeper that engraving goes and the harder it is to change to a different tone.
To the moms who cried today and every day for the past 24 years, thank you. Thank you for trusting me. I trust that for 99.999% of you, everything went well. Why? Because, there is a high possibility that I am right.
How will you know? Before you learn how to ride a bike, you need a bike, and then you have to fall a few times.
