Sometimes the stories on Reddit’s “AITA” forum are pretty cut-and-dry. Other times, however, there’s more variation in the situation the person posting is describing, like in this story from a mom who posted that she and her husband were expecting a little girl and just announced the name they have already chosen: Adelaide.
“I first heard this name when I was a child and thought it was beautiful, and decided that if I had a daughter, I would name her Adelaide,” he wrote. “After hearing this, one of my friends who I’ve been close to since we were in University, started acting distant from us.”
The mom noted that pregnancy in general is a sore spot for this friend because she lost a baby in a stillbirth two years ago.
“I can’t even begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must have been for her and I made sure to support her through this devastating loss,” she wrote. “Despite his trauma, he was never less than kind and empathetic towards me, until that day. A few weeks later, he confronted us, suggesting that we change our baby’s name, which we refused. He continued trying to convince us, suggesting different names, or saying that Adelaide is too old-fashioned or won’t do it. [sic] suite with our son. We kept refusing to change her name, until eventually my friend started crying and revealed that Adelaide was the name she had chosen for her stillborn baby.
The mother ended her post with some important context: “When she was pregnant, she refused to tell anyone the name of her baby, because she wanted it to be a surprise when he was born. After the stillbirth, she decided to hide the name to herself because it is personal to her, which we understand. Until recently, no one knew what to call her baby. She said that, by keeping our name, we are not honoring her baby’s memory . He said that if I had chosen the same name then my daughter would be a living reminder of what could have happened. I understand his sadness, but I believe that I should have the right to name my own child when not burdened by other people’s trauma.
Oof. To be fair, there’s no way the mom who wrote this story could have known her friend’s chosen baby name — she kept the name a secret. But it was still understandable that this was causing grief to his friend.
And that’s exactly how the commenters on the post felt. This mom-to-be has every right to name her baby as she sees fit—but her friend is also grieving a great loss and has a right to her feelings, too.
“It’s your choice, but be prepared to lose your friend if you choose to continue this,” the top comment read.
Another highly rated comment added, “No holes in it. I’d probably pick a different name.”
Another even gives advice to the mother-to-be.
“It’s hard because you decided on the name because it’s what you love and you didn’t choose it even though you knew about the dead baby’s name,” they wrote. “I would say take a look at your relationship with this person. Is it a relationship that you value? Is it a relationship that you’ve worked hard for and don’t want to lose? You’re going to lose this relationship and maybe even some related relationships if you keep it. your name. It’s annoying because now he’s doing that name for anyone who knows him.. but his sadness is still there and it’s unlikely that you don’t understand his sadness.. you just recognize it but the last sentence that tells me you don’t understand.”
Do you think this mom is wrong?
